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I AM PARCA'S CHOSEN:
Parca is the Roman Goddess of Childbirth and Destiny and after you get to know me, you will see why I believe she has, without doubt, made me her Poster Child. Most of my posts are satire with the odd parody tossed in....spattered with truisms and colloquialisms, witticisms, spasms and occasional orgasms. *Sorry. I like 'sms' ending words

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

POLDARK SEASON 1 EPISODE 2: Wheals of Fortune & 20 Provoked Thoughts

Wheal Leisure and the Glottal Stop.

With so much sexiness on the screen, one may think it rather anal to focus on the name of Ross Poldark’s mine, but please, let me just get this off my chest.

Frasier fans may recognize the term 'Glottal Stop' from an episode where Niles and Daphne Crane are discussing baby names and ‘Jack’ is suggested. Niles explains how uncomfortable it is to have the last consonant of a name match that of the immediate surname, forcing one to blend the names together in a grammatically difficult manner. For example, Jack Crane sounds like Jackrain, unless you harshly enunciate the K, make a space, then carry on. *try this youtube clip...it explains it. Don't fall asleep.

That awkward blend is what jumped at me when this popped on the screen:

                      **REMINDER: CLICK ON ALL PICS TO ENLARGE**

I read it and in my mind, and then out loud, Wheal Leisure sounded like Wheeleezure. And like the PSY’s Gangman Style, once heard, it cannot be unheard. Henceforth, Wheeleezure it shall be. *my sincerest apologies to the late, great Winston Graham

So...


Episode 2 proved to be quite thought provoking:

Provoked Thought 1: Did the producers of 'A Few Good Men' copy the spit-polished, Sunday best suicide of the guilt ridden Lt. Col.Markinson from the spit-polished, Sunday best suicide of shamed Wheal Reeth mine owner, Lord Basset? Both dressed to kill (bad pun) and both played deadly mouth organs for their messy deaths. *Al Pacino almost did the same in 'Scent of A Woman' as well...so maybe Poldark's influence is wider spread than I thought? Or maybe it's tradition for authority figures?


Provoked Thought 2: What the hell is it with all the redheaded women with dark haired mates? They are a minority but if you looked at the leads of many shows and books etc, you would think they Rule The World. And they do. Our fantasy world. Here are the ones that come to mind first:

Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter



Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz Junior




Fred and Wilma
Ann-Margaret and Elvis


Ariel and Eric

Mary Jane and Spiderman



Pippi Longstocking and her Monkey



Lassie and Liz Taylor

   Okay...I'll stop. But comment if you think of more!

They are everywhere, but they all pale in comparison to our lovely Demelza and her mate, the dark and handsome Ross (yea yea...I know. Not YET.)


Provoked Thought 3: Is the show sponsored by the Cornwall Tourism Board? The galloping horses being ridden back and forth along the cliffs is almost like an annoying commercial. It's okay the first time, acceptable the second, but eventually you swear you'll never buy whatever the hell it is they're selling. Why not just slap a Budweiser logo on the horses' asses and make some revenue from it at least. *hmmm, probably not wise given the previous sentence.


If I ever make a Poldark Drinking Game (and I will), I am putting in a ‘1 full glass of wine every time we see a horse, a cliff and the ocean in the same shot’. That will be some party! True, watching all that hair being tossed by the wind is worth the tedium of segue-hoof-beats but still it's…

OMG. 

That's right.


The Hair.

Provoked Thought 4: A proper debate must be had whether Ross’s hair deserves its own credits on the screen. It is utterly magnificent. Fields of thick, rippling wheat, rolling in rich waves of natural abundance never looked so good to a starving village of peasants as Ross Poldark’s hair looks to me and a few million other women. It’s coiffed chocolate. Never since McDreamy has a sexy mop of hair awakened tired ovaries out of hibernation, ready to explode.


In the annals of Celebrity Hair Gods, Aidan Turner is Kings of Kings:



It even has its own twitter account:
@PoldarksHair and a new Face Book Page: Ross Poldark's Hair 

                                              Nuff said.



Provoked Thought 5: In Psychology, there are 5 Big Personality Traits and they are well represented in this story by the core body of characters; each personified with top-notch acting:

1)Extraversion: husband/wife team, Jud and Purdie Paynter

                 


2) Agreeableness: Verity Poldark Blamey (I still love that name…Don’t Blamey if she ran off! *snicker*)
                                     


3) Conscientiousness: Ross Poldark

                                                

4)Neuroticism: George Warleggan (puts the ‘war’ in Warleggan)

                                   


5) Openness: Demelza Carne Poldark

                                            


I would, however, like to add another: 

6) Reliability: The Coastline/Scenery


                  
                                               Image result for poldark

 As a much used 'character', the coastline of Cornwall is a stalwart and dependable presence that one can always count on to be there. In fact, I think it almost overused and should take a holiday. The producers can replace any further windy, dead space panorama footage with more 'one on one' (and I do mean one ON one) Ross/Demelza time. *hint hint wink wink say no more


Provoked Thought 6:


Provoked Thought 7: Smiles. We don’t see Ross Poldark smile much on the show, and after googling Aiden Turner and seeing that 99.9% of his pics and gifs are of him smiling that glorious, infectious Grin of Wonder, it’s a bloody outrage! I am starting a hunger strike until they decide to write in more opportunities for Ross to laugh and smile (it’s a book adaptation, go ahead and fuck it up like everyone else does!) Yes…I fight for what I want and until I see more teeth and #squintyhappypoldarkeyes I will shun all second desserts and refuse extra cheese on my burgers. I swear to God I will!
                 image


                               
                                    
                                            
                                           


If those don’t pull at your heartstrings like newborn white kittens playing in a basket of blue yarn, then you should to go into politics.

Provoked Thought 8: The Magic Apple. Not a biggie but I had to smile. Trivia worthy.



Provoked Thought 9: Hopes of seeing shots like this may be one (great fucking) reason to watch Poldark, 



…but there are some other images that leave one breathless with lust and quivering excitement, dreaming of running your fingers sensually over the stiff and hard beauty of…books! *grin*




                                           The Lost Chapters:


Oak lined libraries and close-ups of leather bound tomes are as much an aphrodisiac as any thick'n curly chest hair…



…oops…did that fall out again? Sorry. *tucks into bra strap*
Yes. Books are like an aphrodisiac and CHAPTERS, Barnes and Noble, Amazon are like Love Shops, full or Romance Enhancers...but never forget, so is your local library, or as I like to call it, the B-Spot. If you can't find your B-Spot, ask your husband/girlfriend/lover to help locate it. It's more than worth the effort.


Provoked Thought 10: Mining for copper. They make it seem so difficult on the show but I am sure it's exaggerated. I mean really, from what I saw, how hard could it be? Pluckem'em and smelt'em!




Provoked Thought 11: Uncle Charles looks suspiciously like Don Rickles, so maybe he pulled an Elvis and faked his death? *and there is NO way that I was alone in this thought....



Provoked Thought 12: Cousin Francis has his heart in the right place and starts off a decent chap (believes in equality and wants to remain tight with Ross) but he becomes the milquetoast of the series and George Warleggan's continually using him to trip up Ross is beginning to piss me off. The man has such a rubber backbone, every time he rides a horse he reminds me of this iconic duo:

 
                                     


What a maroon. He THINKS Elizabeth might still love Ross but really, there ARE signs if you look carefully, like...



...and, well...


If the show ever starts merchandizing, they can sell 'Forbidden Love Tanning Lotion', 'Unrequited Love Brandy (10 Litre Bottle)' and speaking of Francis, here’s a product  that is both appropriate AND delicious!



Provoked Thought 13: It's a rare fleeting treat, but when Ross grins a certain way, his Shy Dimple caves in and adds a touch of boyishness to his otherwise serious looking, chiseled, God-like face. When I die, I want to be buried in it.

                                          *click to enlarge
                   
             Easier to see here in his younger days: *collective awwwwww *            
                                    


Provoked Thought 14: Captain Morgan and Captain Poldark have the same hat. I haven’t seen it on anyone else. Doesn’t mean a damn thing. Just wondered why. Makes me thirsty for Spiced Rum every time hear Ross called Captain though, so I guess that's something. *oh, and they're both wicked sexy (in a fictional book/cartoon hunk kinda way)




Provoked Thought 15: The Ball. Ruth Teague. Best Burn Ever. 




Provoked Thought 16: I have never been jealous of a prostitute before but even though Margaret The Hooker looks like a cross between Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke and painter Frida Kahlo...



...I envied her her Wild Jungle Sex Night with Captain Ross when he was caught in a ferocious storm of horniness and needed a harbor for his mighty ship to unload its crew of crazed seamen.  
(*snicker* When you go cheesy, go all the way)

Provoked Thought 17: The cloak was lovey, but I was hoping for an Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak. I would have hidden under it and clotheslined those two twatwaffles who laughed at Demelza as she walked by so happily in her first brand new piece of clothing. They wouldn’t have known what hit them.  
*and notice Ross's smirk of pride? Love it!






Provoked Thought 18

I don't care what you say...that was a dirty little double entendre and blatantly offering your daughter's syllaboobs to a man to taste for their succulence is pretty much High Class Whore Mongering,okay? Okay. I've had no use for these two Desparate Houseflies ever since they trash-talked Ross and his dad while he tried sleeping in the coach on his return home from the war in Episode 1.

Having said this though, I will try my hand at making a syllabus JUST so I can see what all the rage was back then. 

                                             SYLLABUB RECIPE

                 

Provoked Thought 19: Verity is honest, kind, subservient and sweet, but she ain’t no fool. Looking at the ship with her surprise new suitor, Captain Blamey, she was clever: SO excited about learning what a mast was and shiver-me-timbers if she wasn’t enthralled by the poopdeck! *flutters eyes innocently...SO MANY PARTS!* Nicely played Miss Verity. Nicely played indeed.

 *click to enlarge or use crtl key and plus/minus key together to zoom in or out




Provoked Thought 20: Naked Ross in the water?

                             


                                    Well, Demelza's reaction was sweet:

                               

                                      My first reaction was not as subtle...


              

                                            My second reaction, poetic:


“If I were but a Mermaid Fair, what glorious sights I’d see.
 For Underwater Paradise is what’s in store for me. ” 
*Bows deeply. Thank you I was inspired*wink*


NEXT: Episode Three...coming soon!