WHY THIS BLOG?

I AM PARCA'S CHOSEN:
Parca is the Roman Goddess of Childbirth and Destiny and after you get to know me, you will see why I believe she has, without doubt, made me her Poster Child. Most of my posts are satire with the odd parody tossed in....spattered with truisms and colloquialisms, witticisms, spasms and occasional orgasms. *Sorry. I like words ending is 'sms'

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1) MY eBOOKS CAN BE FOUND ON AMAZON HERE:
DENISE ON AMAZON
2) MY eBook Trailers are on YOUTUBE
3) My website:denisesevierfries.com
4) My Photo-Art Youtube Trailer is here too.

5) My old monthly column: The Lighter Side of Self Publishing
6) Outlander Series Facebook forum: the popular book/tv series group I moderate is The BEST and BIGGEST! Over 57,000+ members! Come join us! *click on bold red words

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

OUTLANDER S2 E3: 8 SHOCKING THINGS YOU NEVER KNEW ABOUT ‘BOUTON’ *DOGGY DIVA*




One would think a sweet little dog like Bouton would have no secrets.

Think again.

1) BOUTON COMES FROM A FAMOUS ACTING FAMILY OF HOLLYWOOD ROYALTY

Bouton (real name Osgood Thormwell Cavanaugh VIII), is the great-great-great grandson of the famous Osgood Whitney Cavanaugh VII (stage-name Ol’ Dodger) who gained fame and fortune as Humphrey Bogart's dog in 'Casablanca'…*click all pics to enlarge
 …and is the great-great-grandson of Osgood Stockton Cavanaugh VI (stage-name Knickers) who stole the screen from Clark Gable in 'Gone with the Wind':
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Bouton’s wild-child great grandfather, the infamous Osgood Cromwell Cavanaugh V (stage–name Bruce) almost ruined the making of 'The Wizard of Oz' when he rusted out 3 sets of Tin Man costumes by peeing on them, chewed the tail off the costume of the Cowardly Lion and 2 pairs of Ruby Red shoes. He was a heavy drinker and regularly vomited in the Straw Man’s feet. 

He was kicked off the set but stayed in the Hollywood circle by mating with Ching Ling the poodle of studio mogul, Cecil B. Demille and producing a line of great dog actors, culminating with our very own Bouton.



2) BOUTON IS 3RD COUSIN ONCE REMOVED FROM THE MEGA CHILD DOGGY STAR B-I-N-G-0

 
On the outs since a mysterious pool part incident in Bouton’s Beverly Hills mansion, the cousins do not talk, but their agents are trying to settle details for their joint acting venture in what is rumored to be a classic thriller called 
H-Y-D-R-A-N-T.


3) BOUTON AUDITIONED FOR, AND WAS REJECTED FROM, 3 OTHER MAJOR PARTS BEFORE WINNING THIS ROLE


Jon Snow knew one thing: he didn’t want Bouton.


It is said the white spray paint they used for Bouton to play the white Direwolf 'Ghost', made actor Kit Harrington sneeze and break out in hives. Bouton was ousted shortly after filming began.


He tried to be the Chihuahua in the low budget film 'Vintage Vern And His Scottish Adventure' but was deemed too scary looking…


…and he took steroids and hired the iconic make-up artist Flo Snodgrass, Hollywood Legend and dog lover, to help him become Murphy McHarald, the buff, kilted Highland spy in the serial thriller 'Meaty Man Mysteries'…but was deemed TOO meaty:
Finally, he resorted to shameless and extreme cuteness and his kilt trick and hair extensions did the trick to secure he role of a lifetime on Outlander: 


*(which was fortuitous as he had already learned to speak with a Scottish accent for the Meaty Many Mysteries audition)


4) BOUTON IS A MUSIC GENIUS

Drawing from his years of cello playing in London, Bouton created, choreographed and organized the album of the century:  Dog Song: Music To Help Your Dog Go To Sleep:


It won the prestigious 'Best Schnauzer Snoozer' award 2 years running, making Bouton the hero of restless puppies everywhere. He also starred in and compiled the youtube hit 'Ultimate Funny Dogs Compilation' where he dressed in costume for every single dog in this clip…which is why he is called the Canine Eddie Murphy:




5) BOUTON IS A SOCIAL MEDIA HOUND

Kanye has had a twitter feud going on with Bouton for months:
 


You can find Bouton on the net here:





6) 4 FAMOUS ACTORS ARE HOPING TO PLAY BOUTON IN THE NEXT NOVEL ADAPTATION
Starz let leak the shocker that unlike the books by Diana Gabaldon, director Ron Moore is making Bouton come to life as a real man after lapping up the urine (following Claire's example) of a drunk wizard who left a strip-poker party at Master Raymond's store late one night and peed on a lamp post. Bouton morphs into a new character called Benjamin Buttonhole who becomes Jamie’s right hand man as he can sniff out bullshit a mile away, and aids Jamie in knowing who to trust. He also tries to have quickie dog-sex with every leg he sees, much to the delight of Bonnie Prince Charles. *please vote for one of the above actor by dialing
 1-800-LEG-HUMP
**personally, I voted for Ewan!


7) HE IS A VICIOUS MANEATER
Seen here mauling the chest of his 4th prop, Bouton left 2 extras (human) in hospital before Starz decided to use lifelike mannequins in the hospital scene.*No word about possible fatalities due to a recent gag order by the Courts. Claire and Mother Hildegarde had to be CGI’d into the shot as being too close to Bouton was too dangerous. 

Even though his propensity to lunge at throats is well known, producers needed an experienced and ‘cuddly’ dog for the role and chose to take a chance.

Bad choice.

Here he is, in a rabbit costume, in the deadly scene of the Bunny Killer in Monty Python’s 'Holy Grail':


 
8) HIS ON-SET SEX SCANDALS HAVE HALTED PRODUCTION SEVERAL TIMES

Bouton is one sexy mutt. And so says his Hot-Mama of the Moment 'The White Sow' (seen here in her audition profile pic)



…and Rollo:


Not just a shipping rumor, Bouton is said to prefer blondes which has the heartsick Rollo (played by transgender dog star 'Kitty Le'Roo') avoiding paparazzi and ducking in and out of therapy sessions with Talk Show Legend turned Dog Whisperer, Oprah Winfrey.
 
**
PLEASE NOTE: some or all of the above article may be the product of an especially spicy bowl of homemade chili and should be read with one's sense of humor in the ON position.

Sunday, April 17, 2016

S̶E̶S̶A̶M̶E̶ OUTLANDER STREET S2 Ep2: A G-RATED VERSION...sorta.


Let’s just get right to the Nipple Dress and get it out of the way.  This is how it would look on Outlander Street, with the proper birds:

(*and while we are there, how about that BJR shot in 
Season 1?sorry, couldn't resist *snicker*)
The opening scene to Se E2 should be replaced with cartoons…(*note to self: NEVER google 'cartoon sex gifs' again. Ever.)
            

...and then this...

 

Master Raymond is memorable and unique!
                            



The Brothel Scene would be tricky, but doable:        

                          

Oh...and this might have been going on in Murtagh's room 
(not judging, just putting it out there...)

The Red Dress!
 
  
And King Pooie...I mean Louie and his constipation issues would be more subtle:

            

 
Murtagh’s reaction to the Nipple Dress is funny…like he has never seen breasts before. So how about this instead?
    
  
The sword fight HAS to stay but let's soften it up a bit:
               

And finally, the HoneyPot Wax Job. 
We tried test-waxed the nether-regions of a number of cartoon characters and the reactions varied, but you can judge for yourself how it would play out on Outlander Street: 



 





 




 

 


 

*then there's Ursula *raises eyebrows*
 


THERE! Wouldn’t that better? Now the kids can run past and you don’t have to scream, “I TOLD YOU THIS IS MOMMY TIME! GO PLAY OUTSIDE!!” and you won’t need to tell your husband, who thinks you are a softpornhound, “I TOLD YOU THIS IS MY TIME! BUGGER OFF BEFORE I MAKE GEILLIS’S WIDOWMAKER STEW!!”

You’re welcome.