WHY THIS BLOG?

I AM PARCA'S CHOSEN:
Parca is the Roman Goddess of Childbirth and Destiny and after you get to know me, you will see why I believe she has, without doubt, made me her Poster Child. I deal with the odd serious issue but for the most part, my posts are just some cheeky fun, reviews of favorite shows, and true stories that will make you laugh out loud (or run screaming...I don't know you well enough to predict your behavior). You'll find satire with the odd parody tossed in....and definitely a heaping helping of hyperbole.

I am Canadian so expect a bit of politeness too. Sorry.

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1) MY eBOOKS CAN BE FOUND ON AMAZON HERE:
DENISE ON AMAZON
2) MY eBook Trailers are on YOUTUBE
3) My website:denisesevierfries.com
4) My Photo-Art Youtube Trailer is here too.

5) My old monthly column: The Lighter Side of Self Publishing
6) Outlander Series Facebook forum: the popular book/tv series group I moderate is The BEST and BIGGEST! Over 60,000+ members! Come join us! *click on bold red words

Sunday, September 25, 2016

‘THIS IS WHY I GET SO ANGRY WHEN YOU INSULT HILLARY CLINTON: 30+25 ON TAP’ * A reply to THIRTY ON TAP


I wrote this in response to the Sept 14 2016 piece by Jillian Stacia on the lifestyle blog THIRTYON TAP. It is a great article and worth reading here: why I get so angry when you insult hillary clinton

MY REPY:

Dear Jillian,

I read your piece and thought it was excellent.

But you didn’t cover MY reasons for getting ‘so angry when you insult Hillary Clinton’, so I thought I might reciprocate and share them with you. I have spent a couple more decades in the barrel finely aging my robust opinion, so I have a more seasoned POV. Not better or worse, just ripened.

When people tell me Hillary doesn’t smile enough, I think ‘Fuck you.’ Who are you to tell someone when to smile? Are you the love child of Miss Manners and one of the Osmonds? Serious people with a lot on their minds, trying to answer myriad questions with authority, intelligence and respect don’t always think to play Miss America and paste a shit-eating grin on their puss and pretend they are perpetually modeling for the cover of KissMyAss Magazine. I trust people who smile when they genuinely feel like doing so and not just to keep some a bunch of pinheads with pens satisfied.


When people make fun of Hillary’s clothes, I think, ‘Look in the mirror, asshole.’ What makes you think you're a fashion diva? A Vogue layout…a GQ centerfold? If you dress to make others like/admire you and are not true to who you are (e.g.- you love sweater vests but wouldn’t be caught dead wearing one, fearing ridicule) then you are the loser. You lose your style, independence, autonomy, self-respect and darlin’, you lose your right to criticize anyone with the balls to be themselves. And yes, Hillary has the biggest set of kahunas in modern politics. Barack and Bill included. So off you go… ask someone how you should be wiping your own ass.


When people make fun of Hillary’s voice, I say ‘That’s what intelligence sounds like. You obviously are not familiar with the sound…hearing it or making it.’ Those listening to the timber of Hillary’s voice and ignoring the substance it carries, are doing so for one of two reasons: 1) the words are passing lipstick or 2) the bullshit filling their heads has plugged up their ears.


When people worry about Hillary’s health and criticize her for campaigning with pneumonia, I think ‘What the hell is wrong with you? A politician who is willing to work herself into a coma to meet her commitments, and your balking? Don’t you want a President who will work to their last, rasping tortured breath in the service of keeping your ass safe and fed? Why isn’t being the color (and texture) of the surface of Mars not a worry and criticism as well?’

Let’s look at this like a Horse Race: Secretariat vs Mr. Ed. Secretariat runs with a determination and passion that surpasses and overcomes any earthy malady. Mr. Ed won’t run with a 'sore foot'.


Nuff said.


When people tell me Hillary needs a facelift, I say’ “You’re right. She needs to lift something very heavy and slam it over your misogynistic, immature, dumb ass. Twice.’ Oh…wait…was that word ‘facelift’? I read ‘forklift’. Ah well, same answer.


When people talk about how cold Hillary is, I ask think, ‘Would you rather be hugged by a cooing Good Old Boy who has one hand patting your back while the other steals your wallet then flicks a match on a fuse that leads to a bomb under your house, OR, would you prefer a person who is reserved and thoughtful with no desire to be your False Best Friend, shakes your hand and asks how she can help make your life better? If you choose the Good Old Boy, you deserve that empty wallet and pile of burnt wood that used to be your home.’ Hillary is how she is for one simple reason: being on the front line of politics ain’t fer sissies and it’s a battle that scars you. The more years you fight, the more scars you earn. Scars, like all medals of Honor, can seem ‘cold’ to the touch, but only to those who don’t appreciate them and the sacrifice they represent (especially those whose own self-proclaimed sacrifice was 'erecting huge structures' *said in a pouty-lipped, sucktit Shirley Temple-like voice* )



*

One gains perspective when one ages. One also gains a need to call’em’ as one sees’em, and I sees a whole lotta stupidity disguised as political punditry and ‘news’. I also see the need for one less penis in the White House. Let’s face it, having one was mandatory for so long, not having one can have its day in the sun too.
*and no, I am not angry at or hate penises. In fact I rather like them. The ones without teeth.

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

OUTLANDERPOLY GAME: Complete with Chance, Community Chest and Property Cards! *FREE TO PRINT AND PLAY*

Okay.

I made this OUTLANDERPOLY game a while back and posted it online for all to use, and promised to make cards etc....but Life happened and I am just getting to it now. Sorry.

Between work, kids, hubbypoo, writing, photography and being admin on the BIGGEST and BEST Outlander group on FaceBook (click here to join the fun!), Time got away on me. *and daydreaming about wild jungle sex with Boromir takes up space too ya know...

So here you go.  All done. Print, then cut it all out, and enjoy! Here are the instructions:

1) Use this like any other Monopoly game. Same rules apply (or make up your own!)
2) Use whatever you like for tokens: beads, Cheerios, buttons, dried clumps of haggis...anything goes. You will need a pair of dice.
3) Monopoly money can be used but understand that I wanted to make it more Outlanderly, so I used Jocasta's Gold Bricks for currency, and Gold Coins. Each Brick is worth 30 Coins (30 dollars). *So when you pass GO, for example, you can gain either 200 Coins or 7 Bricks.
4) I've never played it yet...who has time?...so since I suck at math and all things logical, if this does not work while you play {size/pixel-wise or currency-wise} let me know and I can try and correct it.
5) It should all print well, but I am not 100% sure of the board as it is less pixels than the cards... *sigh*  I may need to re-do it larger? Let me know in the comment section...
**click on all pics to enlarge


THE PLAYING BOARD: measures 1000 x 1000 pixels #Outlanderpoly





THE PROPERTY CARDS


THE CHANCE AND COMMUNITY CHEST CARDS



I hope you enjoy this game as much as I had making it! I have heard there are a lot of Outlander Monopoly games out there but I haven't seen any to compare with yet. This one is Original and Mine. Just sayin'... *begins to think that a 'YOU WIN A FREE RIDE ON JAMIE' card might have been fun to add.... *grin*



Wednesday, September 7, 2016

OUTLANDER VIRTUAL PUZZLES: 25 PUZZLES IN VARYING LEVELS OF DIFFICULTY

I. LOVE. PUZZLES.

Online puzzles are my new GoTo place to relax, forget about how I will never be able to comfort and hug TVFrank or marry BookJamie (or have wild jungle sex with Boromir ...but that's another story...)

Grab your drink of choice, some snacks and Click on these Virtual Outlander Puzzles I made (CLICK THE PUZZLE TITLE) and have some fun! 
*NOTE: ALL PHOTOS ARE FROM ONLINE SOURCES AND NOT MY OWN


















































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HARDCORE PUZZLES FOR THE BRAVE AND BOLD
300 PIECE PUZZLES




















Monday, September 5, 2016

OUTLANDER SEASON 3: 10 OUTRAGEOUS SNEAK PEEK LEAKS!


Starz Outlander has a defector.
And he’s a talkin’.

These 10 leaked photos will have the Outlander Fandom shell shocked and shittin' sandbags. Hard to believe but...

1) DAVID BERRY WILL BE BLONDE LIKE ‘BOOK’ LORD JOHN GREY, BUT HERE IS HOW THEY DECIDED ON HIS 'LOOK'!


I don’t think everyone took the vote seriously (see discarded ballot below), which is disturbing to many fans because now they know why we didn’t get a yellow eyed Claire…


2) THE AUDITION CALL FOR A VIRGIN TO PLAY THE PART OF THE CONNIVING GENEVA DUNSANY CAUSED RIOTS.
News of the audition went viral on social media and all Hell broke loose last week as hundreds of 'virgins', aged 18 to 96, clogged the streets and subways on the path to Starz headquarters. There were road blockages, taxi hijackings, and stores in a 200 mile radius sold out of 'Young Vixen' Halloween costumes, blonde hair dye, Sweet16 Rouge By Revlon, Oxytokin wrinkle cream, girdles and Slim Fast.
And Multi-gyn Vaginal Douche Combipacks

Starz has stated that their auditions for Jamie Fraser's Cave Sex partner will be kept MUCH more secret.

 


3) JOHNNY DEPP WILL BE PLAYING PIRATE STEPHEN BONNET!



After years of negotiations, the plum role of the dashing but deadly pirate, Stephen Bonnet, will be played by Oscar winning actor, Johnny Depp who will revise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow...but be called Captain Stephen Bonnet. It is rumoured that the bizarre bonus demands extracted by the Hollywood mega-star were so crazy that...JUST WAIT...THIS JUST IN! JOHNNY DEPP IS OUT! His 2 dogs, Kah & Ching, caught cold and he has chosen to break the contract with Starz and fly them to Australia for proper care.

There is no word who will fill his shoes, but there are whispers that Westley from The Princess Bride may be willing to give it a go. For a quarter the price.

  
4) ONE OF THE DIVA BONUSES FROM DEPP'S NOW DEFUNCT CONTRACT WILL BE USED FOR BONNIE PRINCE CHARLIE'S HIDDEN TREASURE.

The life-size solid gold statue of Captain Jack Sparrow that Johnny Depp had asked for will get some use after all. However, because the cost of re-smelting the gold to make bricks to hide in Jocasta's Plantation as per the books, the statue will remain intact and simply stand in the foyer as a hat rack. As a person who appreciates a good hat (read: Frank's Fedora) I, personally, am good with this decision.



5) THERE BE VOODOO AND MAGIC RITUALS AFOOT...BUT THE RESEARCH HAS BEEN...UMMM....UNCONVENTIONAL.

There is a plethora of literature and knowledge out there to help bring Diana Gabaldon's voodoo and magic based plot lines to life in a realistic and believable manor, however, Starz has seen fit to use this as their primary example to guide their decisions:



6)  JAMIE AND LAOGHAIRE (OR 'LEGHAIR' TO MANY OF US) ARE MARRIED AND ENJOY NIGHTLY SEX.

The story demands that Jamie and Leghair marry, but it was deemed unrealistic that such a virile studMcMuffin like Jamie would only settle for monthly nookie, so it was decided that they would have nightly marital romps, but only like Jamie always believed it should be for the 23 years before he met Claire: horsey style. That way, Jamie could still be 'active', but not have to actually see Leghair's face. Starz hopes this appeases the volatile fandom who could burst, literally, into flames at the mere mention of Ms. Leg O'Hair's name.



7) FRANK IS SEEN IN EVERY OTHER SCENE!

Claire cannot figure out what secrets Frank is keeping and although the signs all point to a cheating husband who helps his students with more than their homework after school...but she is clever and senses there is something not quite right with it all. The season is knee deep in Red Herrings and Frank just may be the Tragic Hero of the entire story, loving Claire unconditionally and raising Bree to be strong and brave. I hear we see Frank in myriad flashbacks and hear his Panty Loosening Baritone often...but then again, I may have dreamed that part.... #OrgasmicMI6

  

8) THE LORD JOHN GREY STORYLINE HAS A SPIN-OFF BOOK SERIES, SO WE ARE GOING TO SEE A SPIN-OFF TV VERSION AS WELL.


But it's a strange adaptation that sees LJG go THROUGH the Stones (SHOCKER!)  and enjoy a career as a fitness guru named 'Richard'. This satisfied the brewing jealousy between Sam Heughan and David Berry, which stemmed from David not having his own 'Peek Challenge'. Now he does...kinda. And here is a sneakier peeker:

*I think the Lead Stone Dancer, Mrs. Graham, went with him too! In the purple?



9) SAM HAD TO LEARN TO PLAY THE HARMONICA.


Caitriona had her musical interlude with 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy', and Sam, never one to be one-upped, insisted on having his time in the musical spotlight too...so he learned to play the harmonica, which he uses to play a 12 minute solo while doing his hard time in Ardsmuir Prison. #HeartbreakMcHotel

*TIP: This may be a good time, during the show, to have ones' bathroom break and grab some snacks.


10) THIS PRESS RELEASE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.


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These 10 'leaks' may or not be REAL leaks, but more a series of 10 'drips'...if you get my drift. And if you do, give it back. It's mine.