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I am Parca's Chosen.

Parca is the Roman Goddess of Childbirth and Destiny and after you get to know me, you will see why I believe she has, without doubt, made me her Poster Child.

Monday, September 15, 2014

OUTLANDER: Episode S̶e̶x̶ Six

Well, you don't have to be Freud, Dr. Ruth, Dr. Phil or a hooker to know a sex act when it whips you in the face...or in this case, the back. Not uncontrolled anger, mommy issues, insanity or a need to buff  up his tennis arm…this is a case of pure sadomasochism (definition:  the deriving of pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting or submitting to physical or emotional abuse; all of which describes my first piano teacher). 

BJ (appropo initials, yes?) Randall relives his intercourse/whipping fantasy (made real at the expense of the selfless Jamie) by detailing it to Claire and becomes so engrossed in his memory, that if it weren’t for the vigilant TV Censor Gods, there might have been an ‘Ooops! Pardon me Madame whilst I change my breeches...” moment when he c̶l̶i̶m̶a̶x̶e̶d̶  finished talking. 
*Talk about your Emmy worthy performances! Both Tobias and Cait deserve major kudos for their work: BJR fairly stank of sex juice and Claire’s ugly choking-for-air face proved her acting steaks (I hate chops, sorry). Was I the only one who pretended to be punched in the stomach afterward to see if I could look and sound as believable? My poor DH thought I was having a seizure…and kept reading his paper. No Jamie in MY living room. (He also jumped up after the flogging scene and said, "That reminds me! I didn't take the hamburger out to thaw for supper!" and ran to the kitchen. *sigh* He was a chef in another life so I keep him around)

I paraphrase, but the whole ‘connecting’ with Jamie through the whip (surrogate penis); feeling the shudder of the impact up his arm and exploding (ejaculating) into his heart (surrogate vagina) and the thought that he and Jamie ‘created something beautiful together’ (surrogate pregnancy and birth complete with blood splashing on the floor and torn flesh) made me so uncomfortable that I tried to look away, but like a mesmerizing crash scene on the highway, I had to stare and felt guilty for doing so. But not guilty enough, apparently, to not think of a meme to commemorate the event:

If Jamie was Christ-like, hanging on a wooden post and flogged for the sins of others, then BJR is truly a perfect Devil to counter his saintliness. The very name Captain Jack Randall has 18 letters. The Devil’s own number, 666, adds up to, yes…you got it…18 letters. *whistles while you go to count the letters* This may seem a manipulative exercise but at my age, any exercise is a plus. 

I haven’t written an OP (opinion piece) for any of the episodes or scenes until now, because I didn’t feel any emotions strong enough to put quill to paper. The feeling today though, could not be satiated with a meme-fest alone:

Episode 6 was special. *and I think #7 will be even more so…

In all, Starz is the Master Chef who takes Diana’s book and expertly trims the juicy fat, slices and dices here and there (with the odd wee garnish added) and cooks up a dish that may be a little bloody, but it is rich and man, does it hit the spot! G's included.

That is my second food reference so I am obviously getting hungry, so I will leave you with one last meme-morsel to chew on before I take my leave *tummy growls*: 


Friday, August 1, 2014

A Truthy Response To Vanity Fair's Outlander Review

Dear Vanity Fair,

I may be the lone voice of reason in the entire Outlander Fandom, but I offer you my support in regards to the recent Outlander review by Joanna Robinson 'Does The New Outlander Series Have What It Takes To Be More Than A Bodice-Ripper?' that has gone more virile than a Scotsman in a see-through kilt. Or is that viral? Nevertheless, I am offering my 2 phased-out Canadian cents worth to the discussion. 

I for one agree 100% with Joanna Robinson (may I call her JoRo?) and would ask your undecided readers to not judge her article based on the rabid frothing slathered upon the comments pages of various papers and forums that actually require rabies shots after having read them.

Let’s look at the facts, which will dispel all criticisms of your well-respected writer/journalist who is a professional and hardly one to toss up an opinion piece based on shallow research and one-liner catchphrases plucked from an online generator.

First of all, Outlander is INDEED a bodice ripper! Why deny it? The definition (that I did not make up but found on a probably legit website) states: “Bodice rippers are strictly formulaic and the plot usually involves a vulnerable heroine faced with a richer and more powerful male character, whom she initially dislikes. It is virtually obligatory for the cover picture to show the swooning, ample-bosomed heroine.”

Each point is spot-on Outlander! It is so formulaic that it is schlepped solely as a romance. Unless you find it in the historical fiction section of your library…or shelved in the fantasy, sci-fi, gay and lesbian, and/or mystery and thriller sections as well, but the point I am trying to make here is that it is absolutely formulaic! 

And there is no heroine as vulnerable as the wimpy Claire Beauchamp: does she fend off a pack of wolves outside Wentworth Prison by herself? Well yea, but only for a few hours until she has a big hairy Scotsman help her …and she only kills one wolf herself! And her reputation as being fearless, headstrong, independent and a highly intelligent doctor/nurse is hardly evidence of her fortitude and self-reliance, as they are simply band-aid traits that cover her need for a burly he-man to help her survive. It is that obvious to anyone with eyes. 

And the fact that she seems to like the young damaged warrior (Jamie) she treats upon their first meeting does not cover the fact that she dislikes the position she finds herself in and therefore, by association, she dislikes Jamie, the man who soon afterwards, lustfully rips her bodice to shreds…well long strips actually that he then braids into macramé pot holders that he uses when he eventually bakes haggis for his men at Lollybroch. It is important to remember facts so one may debate with at least a modicum of credibility. That much I have learned from JoRo.

And as far as the Outlander book covers go, well, the colorful pictures of a topless and buxom Scarlet O’Hara swooning into the hairy chested and mustachioed Rhett Butler solidifies the series as a trashy pseudo-pornographic set that would make Charlie Sheen blush.

Next, I especially concur with the ‘50 Shades of Plaid’ reference. After all plaid is the color of the …no wait, plaid is a cloth and tartan is the color…but nevertheless, the point is that there are at least 50 shades of various clan kilts in the story and it had to be said.  Gratuitous kilt scenes riddle the books and show, and when Frodo rips his off and slides into the hallway playing the air guitar while his parents are away…well,  shenanigans the likes of which Mount Doom has never seen ensues. That is 50 shades of risky business my friends.

Finally, let’s address the elephant in the room, shall we? What everyone knows, but only JoRo had the balls big enough to say, is that men do not like watching love stories. No real man will sit through a TV series geared towards princesses who are waiting for their prince, shivering and alone, all vulnerable-like in their ice palaces singing about how they should all just let it go. The seven little people working in the diamond mine and whistling while they work may be a bit endearing, but JoRo is right to say that the poison apple and true love's kiss is simply far too politically incorrect and may only serve to anger the environmentalists and Apple Pickers of America who will suffer for this insult. I may be paraphrasing.

Bottom line: A well-researched opinion piece is a gem and since one cannot just grab scenes from mid-air and treat them like they are fact, one should always just read and learn from the pros like JoRo. They can be trusted. No credible magazine would Fair well otherwise.  I hope my letter helps anyone who needed the facts straight up. 

I have a headache now and must rest.

Na Noo Na Noo.

Denise Sevier-Fries 

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

JAMIE & CLAIRE TEXTS: My 'Outlander Today' Memes

April 21 2014
How's that for good news today? I am grateful to all the Outlander fans who have been 'getting' my humor...THANK YOU!! VOL.2 in almost done!


Ever wonder what present-day texts between Jamie and Claire would look like? Come see for yourself...*new memes added daily/weekly

YAY!! My new wee eBook is out on Amazon today! THANKS to all the passionate fans who encouraged me to do so, I made a compilation of my 'OUTLANDER TODAY: Jamie and Claire Texts' (and other memes) and, WITH DIANA'S verra generous PERMISSION, and added MORE for you to enjoy! I kept in under $2.00 and as I say in the opening page, the money earned will NOT go to the vats of red wine I desire, but straight to my daughter's University Fund (she has the makings of a fine writer!). THANK YOU all for your support and I hope you love these as much as you did the others! CHEERS!!!

*Link to book is the first comment below: Please leave a rating and comment on Amazon if ye like it! **click the following text: OUTLANDER-TODAY-JAMIE-CLAIRE-TEXTS

My YouTube Trailer:


In honour of Diana approving of my parody of her amazing characters:

**8 FIVE STAR REVIEWS after only 2 DAYS!! (April 1-3 2014)

My newest meme: *and Volume 2 on the way!

Another 5 STAR REVIEW:


Sunday, March 16, 2014


In honor of OUTLANDER, a series of books by a woman who has single-handedly made kilts an aphrodisiac and Scottish history more entertaining than a Soap Opera, I give to you THINGS TARTAN (*NOT PLAID, okay?). An eclectic collection of that amazingly versatile and eye-catching artistry.

I was once told the only difference between the words plaid and tartan was that one rhymed with ‘dad’. Incorrect! TRUTH: plaid is a garment, tartan is a pattern. Memorize this fact and WOW any and all who say otherwise.

So, without further ado, here is my collection, inspired by my passion and appreciation of Everything Scottish made real by the imagination, skilled wordsmithery (yes, I can make up words…it’s my blog) and plain old great writing of Herself. 

  To begin, here is a wee, 6 inch cardboard cutout 'Pocket Jamie'...a must-have for any Outlander Fan. 6 inches is just fine.
And now, random entries:



Ageless Sean Connery!

Scottish Ninja Team:

The Royals!

Ouch...huge tat!