OUTLANDER SEASON 3: 10 OUTRAGEOUS SNEAK PEEK LEAKS!

Starz Outlander has a defector.

And he’s a talkin’.

These 10 leaked photos will have the Outlander Fandom shell shocked and shittin' sandbags. Hard to believe but...

1) DAVID BERRY WILL BE BLONDE LIKE ‘BOOK’ LORD JOHN GREY, BUT HERE IS HOW THEY DECIDED ON HIS 'LOOK'!

I don’t think everyone took the vote seriously (see discarded ballot below), which is disturbing to many fans because now they know why we didn’t get a yellow eyed Claire…

2) THE AUDITION CALL FOR A VIRGIN TO PLAY THE PART OF THE CONNIVING GENEVA DUNSANY CAUSED RIOTS.

News of the audition went viral on social media and all Hell broke loose last week as hundreds of 'virgins', aged 18 to 96, clogged the streets and subways on the path to Starz headquarters. There were road blockages, taxi hijackings, and stores in a 200 mile radius sold out of 'Young Vixen' Halloween costumes, blonde hair dye, Sweet16 Rouge By Revlon, Oxytokin wrinkle cream, girdles and Slim Fast.

And Multi-gyn Vaginal Douche Combipacks

Starz has stated that their auditions for Jamie Fraser's Cave Sex partner will be kept MUCH more secret.

 

3) JOHNNY DEPP WILL BE PLAYING PIRATE STEPHEN BONNET!

After years of negotiations, the plum role of the dashing but deadly pirate, Stephen Bonnet, will be played by Oscar winning actor, Johnny Depp who will revise his role as Captain Jack Sparrow...but be called Captain Stephen Bonnet. It is rumoured that the bizarre bonus demands extracted by the Hollywood mega-star were so crazy that...JUST WAIT...THIS JUST IN! JOHNNY DEPP IS OUT! His 2 dogs, Kah & Ching, caught cold and he has chosen to break the contract with Starz and fly them to Australia for proper care.

There is no word who will fill his shoes, but there are whispers that Westley from The Princess Bride may be willing to give it a go. For a quarter the price.

  

4) ONE OF THE DIVA BONUSES FROM DEPP'S NOW DEFUNCT CONTRACT WILL BE USED FOR BONNIE PRINCE CHARLIE'S HIDDEN TREASURE.

The life-size solid gold statue of Captain Jack Sparrow that Johnny Depp had asked for will get some use after all. However, because the cost of re-smelting the gold to make bricks to hide in Jocasta's Plantation as per the books, the statue will remain intact and simply stand in the foyer as a hat rack. As a person who appreciates a good hat (read: Frank's Fedora) I, personally, am good with this decision.

5) THERE BE VOODOO AND MAGIC RITUALS AFOOT...BUT THE RESEARCH HAS BEEN...UMMM....UNCONVENTIONAL.

There is a plethora of literature and knowledge out there to help bring Diana Gabaldon's voodoo and magic based plot lines to life in a realistic and believable manor, however, Starz has seen fit to use this as their primary example to guide their decisions:

6)  JAMIE AND LAOGHAIRE (OR 'LEGHAIR' TO MANY OF US) ARE MARRIED AND ENJOY NIGHTLY SEX.

The story demands that Jamie and Leghair marry, but it was deemed unrealistic that such a virile studMcMuffin like Jamie would only settle for monthly nookie, so it was decided that they would have nightly marital romps, but only like Jamie always believed it should be for the 23 years before he met Claire: horsey style. That way, Jamie could still be 'active', but not have to actually see Leghair's face. Starz hopes this appeases the volatile fandom who could burst, literally, into flames at the mere mention of Ms. Leg O'Hair's name.

7) FRANK IS SEEN IN EVERY OTHER SCENE!

Claire cannot figure out what secrets Frank is keeping and although the signs all point to a cheating husband who helps his students with more than their homework after school...but she is clever and senses there is something not quite right with it all. The season is knee deep in Red Herrings and Frank just may be the Tragic Hero of the entire story, loving Claire unconditionally and raising Bree to be strong and brave. I hear we see Frank in myriad flashbacks and hear his Panty Loosening Baritone often...but then again, I may have dreamed that part.... #OrgasmicMI6

  

8) THE LORD JOHN GREY STORYLINE HAS A SPIN-OFF BOOK SERIES, SO WE ARE GOING TO SEE A SPIN-OFF TV VERSION AS WELL.

But it's a strange adaptation that sees LJG go THROUGH the Stones (SHOCKER!)  and enjoy a career as a fitness guru named 'Richard'. This satisfied the brewing jealousy between Sam Heughan and David Berry, which stemmed from David not having his own 'Peek Challenge'. Now he does...kinda. And here is a sneakier peeker:

*I think the Lead Stone Dancer, Mrs. Graham, went with him too! In the purple?

9) SAM HAD TO LEARN TO PLAY THE HARMONICA.

Caitriona had her musical interlude with 'Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy', and Sam, never one to be one-upped, insisted on having his time in the musical spotlight too...so he learned to play the harmonica, which he uses to play a 12 minute solo while doing his hard time in Ardsmuir Prison. #HeartbreakMcHotel

*TIP: This may be a good time, during the show, to have ones' bathroom break and grab some snacks.

10) THIS PRESS RELEASE SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

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These 10 'leaks' may or not be REAL leaks, but more a series of 10 'drips'...if you get my drift. And if you do, give it back. It's mine.

5 MUST-KNOW FACTS ABOUT OUTLANDER’S ‘LORD JOHN GREY’: DAVID BERRY

1) David was hired by accident!

                                            Dave Barry

                                                                    David Berry

Ron Moore and Starz looked for years before deciding upon their Lord John Grey, only to be sidelined by an email glitch!

Wanting a virile and sexy man who oozed class…a man who fairly BURST with charm, dignity and grace while maintaining a stiff British upper-lip and all that rubbish, they chose writer/humorist and amateur thespian Dave Barry for this new Outlander role, but a simple mistake by an office temp sent the role audition invitation to actor David Berry instead, and being the compassionate entities they are, Ron and Starz decided to not send him home and quickly sent Dave Barry a bouquet of white roses and a box of Skittles. And a signed photo of Caitriona Balfe.

*I am a massive Dave Barry fan btw, there is NOBODY funnier...but I think he should stick to writing. Sorry Dave.

2) He's CANADIAN! 

As a fellow Canuck, I was mighty pleased to read that David was born in Toronto, Canada. And since my elderly Aunt Helen lives in Toronto as well, I called her to ask why David left at age 7, and moved to Australia: 

“Damn Aussies! Almost as bad as them ‘Merkins (Americans) stealing all our talent! They say David’s parents are from Sydney…but that’s really Sydney BC…on Vancouver Island. Some people'll do anything ta getaway from the snow…pass me my pipe.”

So, there you have it. David Berry was made an Expat whilst underage and unable to choose for himself where to live. Canada awaits your return Davey Boy…come home, eh? 

*if you don't know what this is David...don't worry, we'll teach you...

3) Sam Heughan made David have facial surgery.

Once Dave Barry was sent home and David Berry was officially the number one choice for LJG, it was time to get Sam Heughan's approval. As a straight character playing the love interest of a gay character, Sam demanded the final approval of his ‘partner in unrequited Rainbow Love’. He had approved of Tobias Menzies' very kissable lips, so LJG had to at least meet that high standard of Pout Perfection. 

As it happened, Sam liked David very much, they hit it off straight away and as long as David got the mole on his face removed, Sam was set to give an eager 2 thumbs up! Not wanting a Battle of The Moles (some women go MAD over them! Add a mole and a kilt to a lamppost and it'll be smothered in 50 Shades of Lipstick within 3 minutes flat), Sam wanted David’s removed asap. 

And it was. 

If you look closely you can see the scar (which, btw, is damn sexy in itself! Don’t tell Sam…) Sam asked him to pluck his eyebrows as well but not one to kowtow, David only plucked one side. Sam was acquiescent, appreciating the compromise.

                The Only Chick Magnet Mole Allowed On Set

4) Fake swords made with marzipan were used in filming.

 

David is highly allergic to all metals and the sword of an English soldier is practically another appendage, so brilliant thinking by Outlander Prop Meister Jon Gary Steele saw 4 dozen Marzipan Prop Swords created, which not only solved the allergy problem, but proved to be a welcome snack after a long days shoot. They had to make marzipan buckles, guns and buttons for him too.

According to Jon Gary Steele (David calls him Jon Gary Marzipan...just to be safe), 'Edible Weaponry' has been around for centuries, citing the following examples of its history:

                                       Ancient Japan

                                  Kinda-Ancient Indonesia

                                    Modern Pop Culture

                            

                                   Kanye West Jewelry

                        Present Day Kiddie Kandie Toys

 5) Being an Olympic Level Kangaroo Rider helped earn him the part.

As Proud as I am that David was born Canadian, he was indeed raised in Australia and being the grandmother of Australian grandchildren myself, I have no trouble sharing him with the Aussies. In fact, it was his proficiency in Kangaroo Jumping (or Roo Riding as we say in Canada) that led him to win Gold in the Rio 16 Olympics (you saw the coverage, right? SO exciting!) and that worldwide, international spotlight brought him into the homes and minds of many a movie/Scottish-Time-Travel-TV-show producer.

                   

                        David at the pre-Olympic Trials

After the Dave Barry fiasco, it was David's ability to anything ride well (as British soldiers are wont to do) that tipped the scale to his being hired (who knew Dave Barry has a debilitating fear of saddles? *the reason he didn't get the part, so he says...*smirk*)

Lucky for us. Lucky for Sam. Lucky horse.

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* btw, this blog piece is my way in welcoming David to the Outlander Family. Some or all of it may be a little...um...fictitious. Except for the Roo Riding. That is so Canadian.