CELEBRITIES TURNING 60 THIS YEAR and why it's really fucking up my day

Meg Ryan.

George Clooney.

Ricky Gervais.

Heather Locklear.

Peter Jackson.

Obama.

Gretzky.

FREAKIN' NADIA COMENICI ! (was I really her age when I watched her win 5 Gold Medals and earn the  first 100% score in Olympic history?)

So many accomplished, outstanding people are my age. 

MY age! (Well, one year younger but whatever....)

What, from the bottom of my heart, the hell?

I feel gut punched. My tongue is rolled out of my mouth as I slouch my way over to the fridge like a dejected Quasimodo to check if there's enough wine in the box (yes I said box) to numb the pain of the giant LOSER sign nailed to my forehead.

It's times like these that make you question what the hell you've been doing your entire life. What have you created that is lasting and impressive?

Well, I have 5 beautiful children and they have given me (so far) 7 gorgeous grandkids...but that is, however lovely, not an especially headline worthy accomplishment. Sorry kids. The world doesn't share my feelings of your utter and complete uniqueness. 

And it's true that the model of my hand I made at my first real job as a 19 year old dental assistant (using a milk carton full of alginate...the pink stuff used to take teeth impressions) is a classic 'rebellious youth' statue (also known in Canada as the Trudeau Salute) ... but one careless elbow can knock it off the shelf and ALAS! my legacy is lost.

*sigh*

I will have to do better these next 10 years so when the NEXT list is made, I will sit and take a peek through it and think "Whatever. Losers." and with my head held high I'll turn my scooter into the produce aisle and drive off to find an economy size bag of prunes.

(Below...the source of my angst!)

60 Celebrities Who Are Turning 60 in 2021 | Best Life (bestlifeonline.com)

FREDDY MERCURY WOULD APPROVE, i think

Okay...here is another Canada Writes project I did. If you haven't read the first one, scroll down and sing along. It will get you in the mood. *nudge nudge wink wink*

This time, we were to re-write the lyrics to the ubiquitous and legendary hit song by Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, and once again, give it a personal spin. If you don't know this one, I can only feel sadness for the sorry-ass life you have lived thus far. Get yourself to a pub or bar quickly and you will probably hear it at least twice before your first drink comes...

Original lyrics:

Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy-
Because I'm easy come,easy go,
A little high,little low,
Anyway the wind blows,doesn't really matter to me,
To me

...............................................................................................................

 My lyrics:

Have I reached mid-life

What is this paunch I see

I had a waist once

But its somewhere below my knees

All full of gas

I once had an ass that killed,

Why are you screaming, I can hear every word

Your thinking, she is fat, she is old,

she has pits full of mold;

Don’t you get so cocky, soon you’ll be an old fart, you’ll see,

Like me.

 ..............................................................................................................

Yes...I know what you are thinking. I missed my calling. A song lyricist is hiding deep within me, dying to get out. Don't worry. I will keep her subdued and under lock and key.

For now.