She KNOWS what sells, what doesn't, what hurts a business and what shoots it to the Starz. The following 5, never seen before pictures and revelations, are proof of her business savvy, how she protects her franchise and why she needs wine. Lots of wine. I'm talking a CLAIRE-LIKE need for the happy juice!
What you will read next will boggle your mind, shock you to the core and make you question your religion ... but I swear it is as real as any report of Elvis being seen riding a mongoose in a WalMart. Cross my heart.
1) STARZ DEMANDED THAT THE CAST AID IN THE MAKE-UP DEPARTMENT'S JOB OF AGING THEM FOR SEASON 3 (AND ONWARD), BY FORCING THEM TO GAIN WEIGHT, AS ONE TENDS TO DO WHILST AGING....(like I sure in the hell did *sigh*)
Diana, however, upon returning from Brazil (click here to read about THAT scandal!) make a spot-on assessment of the situation and convinced Ron that although they were all still handsome/beautiful people and that Jamie's chubby knees were still porn-able, the physiques didn't quite match their book counterparts, and everyone should return to the Pre-McDonalds era shape a.s.a.p.... and just give them some wrinkles and grey streaks. I think it was a good call. (sorry for any offense given, but I figure as long as my ass doesn't fit into a dental chair and it needs an extra engine brought in to go up, I can joke and tease all I want. *grin*)
*You will then see the main characters remain youthfully slim with Crypt Keeper faces further down the road...
2) DIANA BOUGHT MAJORITY STOCKS IN 2 COMPANIES PRE-SEASON 3
A) WHITE GLOVES:
It is expected that white gloves sales will skyrocket after this episode, which we see here in a picture taken on set during a break in filming, where we see Caitriona and Tobias applaud Diana's unveiling her new online shop 'GLOVELANDER'. To order, call 1-800-CLAIRE-PAIR.
B) BLACK HALF-RIM VINTAGE GLASSES:
Jamie may have exploded ovaries worldwide, but Frank will make them weep with wanting when the female Outlander Fandom sees him in FULL ON HOT PROFESSOR MODE! Move over sexy-secretary-stripper-in-pencil-skirts-and-black-rimmed-glasses...the sexy-bespectacled-historian-who-is-calm-on-the-outside-but-a-wild-coitus-machine-on-the-inside 'look' has taken the spotlight! The picture above shows Frank and Claire in a moment of blissful happiness...and it is easy to see why. This is what Claire had to be thinking...
Diana was quick to seize the opportunity to make a smart business move and she bought up all these special types of men's glasses in the USA, Canada and the UK and opened an online shop called 'LENSLANDER'. To order your pair(s), call: 1-800-HOT-PROF-XXX
3) DIANA HANDCRAFTED A NEWBORN BABY DOLL WITH RED HAIR
Knowing that this womb-crunching, heart-melting scene where Brianna is born, might drive women to either hug their husbands to the point of breaking their ribs, or see them grabbing their teenagers out of their beds and squeezing them to their breast while wailing mournfully into the night, "NEVER LEAVE YOUR MAMA!"... Diana built a doll factory in Yuma, Michigan that she has dubbed 'DOLLANDER INC.' to manufacture the doll she created by hand over a glass of Merlot one breakfast, and the first baby doll out will be 'BabyBree' that is small enough to carry in your pocket for convenience, ready to snuggle at a moment's notice, but strong enough to handle the most crushing 'I Want Frank's Baby!' hug.
4) DIANA OWNS EVERY PUB THAT HOSTS OUTLANDER CHARITY NIGHTS
If you looked in the dictionary under the phrase 'Charitable Soul', you would find Diana's picture (and one of a Salvation Army shoe repair shop in Uganda...but just ignore that) and the Chalk Billboards (above), found in streets in cities around the world are proof of it. 10's of millions of dollars are raised yearly, which Diana gives 100% to her charity MARK-ME-LANDERS ANONYMOUS, which provides free medicine and free psychiatric care (as well as funding self-help group events) to the myriad fans who suffered tragically from hearing 'Mark me' uttered every 3 seconds from Bonnie Prince Charlie in Season 2. It is headed by close confidant of Diana's named ...believe it or not... Marcus Mee of Groundstock, New Hampshire. Truth is stranger than fiction!
*The actors are under contract to attend these charity drives but do so willingly and happily.
5) DIANA STYMIED ALL OF RON MOORES EFFORTS TO HAVE THE CAST INVADED BY 'BODY SNATCHERS' AND FLOWN TO MARS, EVEN AFTER HE SHOT THE FIRST SEGMENT SCENES. THESE PICTURES WERE LEAKED FROM THE FAUCETS AT THE STARZ STUDIOS:
Let us pray:
Thank you Lord for being Kind
To Fans of this great Tale
You knew that this would Blow our Mind
This Dumb Ass Alien Fail.
*oh...and thanks for Diana too.