Black Jack Randall is a dentist.
The most reviled character since Voldemort has been hiding his white lab coat under his British
Red Coat.
This is no
wild accusation of a wine-soaked, middle-aged woman who was once married to a
dentist and sees juxtapositions of her ex in every nasty character on the
screen, painting them all with one bitter brush. In fact, in the spirit avoiding
an ugly lawsuit, I will offer a disclaimer that my thoughts on this post are in
any way connected to my ex. *I don’t want him to get a penny back from what my
amazing lawyer settled for me. My opinions are generalized and point to no one person. Promise; cross my fingers; pinky swear.
Like the teeth above, dentists stand out. They cannot
hide from me. Even if they are in a television set. I can smell the pungency of their v̶i̶c̶t̶i̶m̶'̶s̶ patients'
fears radiate from their every pore.
The unmistakeable aura of the Type A personality practically vibrated off of Jack Randall in this episode but it wasn’t until he took Jenny upstairs for her unwanted body cavity invasion (read: dental examine) did it hit me what his inner demon really was: A DDS a.k.a. Doctor of Dental Surgery or, as what readily comes to mind when thinking of BJR, a Demented Dick Squeezer. *he WAS doing a lot of dick squeezing in 112
Most people saw BJR’s finger, filthy with the innocent blood of her beaten and broken brother, probe Jenny’s mouth in a grotesque, sadistic kind of sexual foreplay, but I saw it as an exam. Here...let me show you:
Open wide....
Looks pretty
obvious once you know what to look for, right? I told you.
A narcissistic sadist of wealth and position that is hated and feared, and has access to torture devices...and who is in charge and must be obeyed. BJR or a dentist?
Exactly.
As a DA who has assisted dental surgeries on trauma victims from car accidents, I
had to question the believability of the CTTF (Club To The Face) scene. True,
said club was only a candle stick, but it was a mighty hefty one that looked
big and solid enough to be used as Ian’s spare peg leg…
…and it
should have, at the very least, left a wee mark on Dr. Black Jack’s face after such a
pounding or given him a TMJ (TMD) problem.
As it was, it
looked like he is also an ancestor of The
Thing of Marvel Comics Fantastic Four fame...
Not a single bump or a chip off
the old noggin. No blood. Nada. And he acted like he never even felt it. Impressive? Or Novocaine.
Exactly.
I confess to
not being up on the common dental practices in 1700 Scotland, but I wager that
patients then, as now, regard their being taken to their dental chair, or out of it, much like the
picture below. Or at least how it felt they were treated when they said they couldn’t
pay.
That brings
us to the root of all evil, the evil root.
I have named Dr. Black Jack's penis Lil’ Nessie because it
reminds me of another lizard-like creature in Scotland that is shy to rise in front of people
and commands a wondrous worldwide fascination with its very existence. (#Penisgate) Big
Nessie may be a long, green mysterious creature but Lil’ Nessie seems a fine, stocky
pink fella with one eye for both the lads and lassies…in a 50 Shades of Flay, sadomasochistic kind of way. *I was going to say
The Cock Ness Monster but thought it a little on the nose
Bypassing
the obvious quips about avoiding a painful root c̶a̶r̶n̶a̶l̶ canal, and filling and drilling etc... I
will say that BJR proves correct the stats that reveal dentistry as the profession having
the highest rate of suicide, divorce and alcoholism. Dr. Black Jack has driven men
to suicide, is divorced from all human emotions…
… and loves his
S̶c̶o̶t̶s̶ Scotch.
And finally, yes...it is true. BJR has a very bad case of *gingervitis.
*Bragging rights to those who get this joke in relation to Outlander
**BONUS PICTURE**
Do you think the original Starz poster would have given too much away?
