FREDDY MERCURY WOULD APPROVE, i think

Okay...here is another Canada Writes project I did. If you haven't read the first one, scroll down and sing along. It will get you in the mood. *nudge nudge wink wink*

This time, we were to re-write the lyrics to the ubiquitous and legendary hit song by Queen, Bohemian Rhapsody, and once again, give it a personal spin. If you don't know this one, I can only feel sadness for the sorry-ass life you have lived thus far. Get yourself to a pub or bar quickly and you will probably hear it at least twice before your first drink comes...

Original lyrics:

Is this the real life-
Is this just fantasy-
Caught in a landslide-
No escape from reality-
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies and see-

I'm just a poor boy, I need no sympathy-
Because I'm easy come,easy go,
A little high,little low,
Anyway the wind blows,doesn't really matter to me,
To me

...............................................................................................................

 My lyrics:

Have I reached mid-life

What is this paunch I see

I had a waist once

But its somewhere below my knees

All full of gas

I once had an ass that killed,

Why are you screaming, I can hear every word

Your thinking, she is fat, she is old,

she has pits full of mold;

Don’t you get so cocky, soon you’ll be an old fart, you’ll see,

Like me.

 ..............................................................................................................

Yes...I know what you are thinking. I missed my calling. A song lyricist is hiding deep within me, dying to get out. Don't worry. I will keep her subdued and under lock and key.

For now.

RE-WORKING ABBA'S 'WATERLOO"

*NOTE: If you don't know ABBA's hit song Waterloo, pass this entry by. You won't get it. (But I urge you to find it on YouTube immediately and become One with the Rest of The World).

                                                                     *

Canada Writes offered a fun-type project once wherein they asked you to write new lyrics to the ever-famous Waterloo and give it a personal spin. I did just that and here is my creation. I must say, that I rather like my song much better. It's more...I don't know...meaty, I guess. Sing along and enjoy!

Original lyrics:

My, my, at Waterloo Napoleon did surrender
Oh yeah, and I have met my destiny in quite a similar way
The history book on the shelf
Is always repeating itself

Waterloo - I was defeated, you won the war
Waterloo - Promise to love you for ever more
Waterloo - Couldn't escape if I wanted to
Waterloo - Knowing my fate is to be with you
Waterloo - Finally facing my Waterloo

My, my, I tried to hold you back but you were stronger
Oh yeah, and now it seems my only chance is giving up the fight
And how could I ever refuse
I feel like I win when I lose

(Chorus)

........................................................

 My lyrics:

The scale! I cannot bear to look where I am standing

Two ten? That used to be the number of my locker but no more

My God... I’ve got so... much to lose

Can you... see if I’m... wearing shoes?

Middle age! Here it is knocking on my back door

Middle age! I’m finding hair where twern’t before

Middle age! Back is shot, where’s my pot, got a light?

Middle age! Total... denial... will make it right

Middle age! Haven’t got... energy... left to fight...

Before! I used to eat all day and never gain weight

But now! I gain a pound by looking at a picture of a cake

Forgive me for being so crass

But it all... seems to stick... to my ass!

(repeat chorus)