WHY THIS BLOG?

I AM PARCA'S CHOSEN:
Parca is the Roman Goddess of Childbirth and Destiny and after you get to know me, you will see why I believe she has, without doubt, made me her Poster Child. I deal with the odd serious issue but for the most part, my posts are just some cheeky fun, reviews of favorite shows, and true stories that will make you laugh out loud (or run screaming...I don't know you well enough to predict your behavior). You'll find satire with the odd parody tossed in....and most definitely a generous helping of hyperbole, with a dollop of facetiousness.

I am Canadian so expect a bit of politeness too. Sorry.

_________________________________________
1) MY eBOOKS CAN BE FOUND ON AMAZON HERE:
DENISE ON AMAZON
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4) My Photo-Art Youtube Trailer is here too.

5) My old monthly column: The Lighter Side of Self Publishing
6) Outlander Series Facebook forum: the popular book/tv series group I am admin on, is The BEST and BIGGEST with over 80,000+ members! Come join us! *click on bold red words

Friday, April 21, 2017

THE 10 LEAKED OUTLANDER S3 VIDEO TAPES (DELETED SCENES): The Not-so-subtle Aging of Jamie & Claire!

The newly leaked 'THE MAKING OF S3: GEEZERLANDER' tapes are going viral and we have a copy! THESE ARE THE DELETED SCENES FROM VARIOUS EPISODES THAT RON WAS OBVIOULSY EXPERIMENTING WITH...
*NOTE: Starz has countered this massive leak by posting them willy nilly all over YouTube, labeling them nonsense things like 'Elderly Couple Do Magic Tricks' or whatever just to throw people off, and they say it isn't Outlander at all...but WE know BETTER! 

You'll see Sam and Caitriona undergo amazing make-up applications that took hours to perfect, and body-shaping prosthetics were brilliantly manipulated to make them look natural and OH SO REAL! You will see them look quite different from tape to tape but this is only due to their experimenting with different looks/ages etc...

And even though it will be hard to believe, I swear on the grave of my uncle's brother's sister's chiropractor's first cousin that these are authentic. But to be certain, I asked Diana to meet me for lunch and while we ate our quesadillas in a yellow submarine underwater in the West Edmonton Mall with her husband, their 6 dogs and their lawyer Bernie, she verified the following as THE true leaked tapes...and she was glad her fans will see how Off-Book the scripts were with Jamie and Claire traveling through The Stones, etc..., and why she worked so hard with Bernie to have these scenes deleted!

Let's see what crazyass ideas Ron had...and how Jamie and Claire have wrestled Father Time in Season 3:

1) In their 60's, Jamie and Claire try something new after a dare from their grandkids. Yes, they wore Attends adult diapers: 




2) Jamie and Claire are 'discovered' and do a commercial. Jamie is still nervous around the 'magic of technology 'and fumbles his lines ...




3) They keep their great sense of humour with the WOOGIE BOOGIE MAGIC PENNY TRICK:




4) Jamie & Claire do the BOOGIE WOOGIE! They go through The Stones and Live in The Netherlands in this episode...or it could be Belgium. Or The Bronx.





5) Here we see Jamie and Claire entertaining the folks at a 'New Age Cèilidh' after years of making beautiful music together...


6) Bree and Roger give Jamie and Claire a computer for a gift; this is them trying to figure out how to use it:



7) Jamie driving:


8) Claire enters 'Britain's Got Talent' with her grandson Ian 'Nico' Murray VI (who is 6'9' tall, and that is why Claire looks short):
*NOTE: Jamie pops back stage after the show and boots Simon Cowell in the nutsack for condescendingly insulting his wife at the start of the show


 *Note: Attends were called for here as well...but for the judges and audiences, not Claire



9) Similar to#5, this is Claire and Jamie trying to send their great-grand son Avigdor Spartacus MacKenzie (their parents are huge fans of 'The Bird Cage') a birthday picture online:



10) And finally, Starz pretended to up make a commercial out of this Geezerlander scene...but like I said before...WE know better:





SO? Whadyathink?

I thought they overdid the lipstick now and then but otherwise, my favorite look was this last one at the end... so J&C. How about you? Hope you enjoyed this contraband collection of tapes and please...keep it quiet! I don't want to get into trouble for showing you these. Thanks.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

OUTLANDER SEASON 3: 5 SURPRISE FACTS THAT DIANA DOES NOT WANT YOU TO KNOW!

Diana Gabaldon is not only a brilliant author, popular speaker and lover of kilts, she is also a sharp-minded businesswoman.

She KNOWS what sells, what doesn't, what hurts a business and what shoots it to the Starz. The following 5, never seen before pictures and revelations, are proof of her business savvy, how she protects her franchise and why she needs wine. Lots of wine. I'm talking a CLAIRE-LIKE need for the happy juice!

What you will read next will boggle your mind, shock you to the core and make you question your religion ... but I swear it is as real as any report of Elvis being seen riding a mongoose in a WalMart. Cross my heart.


1) STARZ DEMANDED THAT THE CAST AID IN THE MAKE-UP DEPARTMENT'S JOB OF AGING THEM FOR SEASON 3 (AND ONWARD), BY FORCING THEM TO GAIN WEIGHT, AS ONE TENDS TO DO WHILST AGING....(like I sure in the hell did *sigh*)









Diana, however, upon returning from Brazil (click here to read about THAT scandal!) make a spot-on assessment of the situation and convinced Ron that although they were all still handsome/beautiful people and that Jamie's chubby knees were still porn-able, the physiques didn't quite match their book counterparts, and everyone should return to the Pre-McDonalds era shape a.s.a.p.... and just give them some wrinkles and grey streaks. I think it was a good call. (sorry for any offense given, but I figure as long as my ass doesn't fit into a dental chair and it needs an extra engine brought in to go up, I can joke and tease all I want. *grin*)

*You will then see the main characters remain youthfully slim with Crypt Keeper faces further down the road...





2) DIANA BOUGHT MAJORITY STOCKS IN 2 COMPANIES PRE-SEASON 3

A) WHITE GLOVES:

It is expected that white gloves sales will skyrocket after this episode, which we see here in a picture taken on set during a break in filming, where we see Caitriona and Tobias applaud Diana's unveiling her new online shop 'GLOVELANDER'. To order, call 1-800-CLAIRE-PAIR.




B) BLACK HALF-RIM VINTAGE GLASSES:

Jamie may have exploded ovaries worldwide, but Frank will make them weep with wanting when the female Outlander Fandom sees him in FULL ON HOT PROFESSOR MODE! Move over sexy-secretary-stripper-in-pencil-skirts-and-black-rimmed-glasses...the sexy-bespectacled-historian-who-is-calm-on-the-outside-but-a-wild-coitus-machine-on-the-inside 'look' has taken the spotlight! The picture above shows Frank and Claire in a moment of blissful happiness...and it is easy to see why. This is what Claire had to be thinking...



Diana was quick to seize the opportunity to make a smart business move and she bought up all these special types of men's glasses in the USA, Canada and the UK and opened an online shop called 'LENSLANDER'. To order your pair(s), call: 1-800-HOT-PROF-XXX


3) DIANA HANDCRAFTED A NEWBORN BABY DOLL WITH RED HAIR


Knowing that this womb-crunching, heart-melting scene where Brianna is born, might drive women to either hug their husbands to the point of breaking their ribs, or see them grabbing their teenagers out of their beds and squeezing them to their breast while wailing mournfully into the night, "NEVER LEAVE YOUR MAMA!"... Diana built a doll factory in Yuma, Michigan that she has dubbed 'DOLLANDER INC.' to manufacture the doll she created by hand over a glass of Merlot one breakfast, and the first baby doll out will be 'BabyBree' that is small enough to carry in your pocket for convenience, ready to snuggle at a moment's notice, but strong enough to handle the most crushing 'I Want Frank's Baby!' hug.



4) DIANA OWNS EVERY PUB THAT HOSTS OUTLANDER CHARITY NIGHTS

LONDON: JAN-FEB
PARIS: MARCH-APRIL

USA: MAY-JUNE

GLASGOW: JULY-AUG

GERMANY:SEPT-OCT

CANADA: NOV-DEC

If you looked in the dictionary under the phrase 'Charitable Soul', you would find Diana's picture (and one of a Salvation Army shoe repair shop in Uganda...but just ignore that) and the Chalk Billboards (above), found in streets in cities around the world are proof of it. 10's of millions of dollars are raised yearly, which Diana gives 100% to her charity MARK-ME-LANDERS ANONYMOUS, which provides free medicine and free psychiatric care (as well as funding self-help group events) to the myriad fans who suffered tragically from hearing 'Mark me' uttered every 3 seconds from Bonnie Prince Charlie in Season 2. It is headed by close confidant of Diana's named ...believe it or not... Marcus Mee of Groundstock, New Hampshire. Truth is stranger than fiction!
*The actors are under contract to attend these charity drives but do so willingly and happily.

5) DIANA STYMIED ALL OF RON MOORES EFFORTS TO HAVE THE CAST INVADED BY 'BODY SNATCHERS' AND FLOWN TO MARS, EVEN AFTER HE SHOT THE FIRST SEGMENT SCENES. THESE PICTURES WERE LEAKED FROM THE FAUCETS AT THE STARZ STUDIOS:






Let us pray:
Thank you Lord for being Kind
To Fans of this great Tale
You knew that this would Blow our Mind
This Dumb Ass Alien Fail.

Amen.
*oh...and thanks for Diana too.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

DIANA GABALDON'S 2005 LETTER 'IN DEFENSE OF FRANK RANDALL': Frank's Mom Dishes It Out

This is a letter and reply that was posted on Compu-serve in November of 2005. The reply is by Diana Gabaldon and I am posting it here in FULL, without edits, for those who would like to read it, as it is hard to find on that site. Diana is often asked about Frank's 'cheating' and I think she wanted to put things into perspective and like me, she is baffled on why there is so much Frank hate. As a die-hard/full-blown/bitten n' smitten member of #TeamFrank, I was terribly happy to read this! Those who dislike or hate the character and do NOT wish to hear any Truths and Facts by the person who created him, then maybe it's time to go walk the dog or go shopping.... or wash your hair. *wink*

Related image

Nov. 12, 2005:

“Dear Diana,


I’m writing because I was asked by ——(nameless individual)——to
intervene in a Huge Argument being debated. (We are trying to avoid
Internet bloodshed and hurt feelings!) Oddly enough, it has nothing to
do with ABOSAA or rather, very little.


The very “heated” discussion is surrounding Frank’s role in his
relationship with Claire upon her return from the eighteenth century.


Specifically:

1) WHY did Frank stay with Claire if he wasn’t getting the love he
desired/needed? (evidenced by the affairs that he thought Claire knew
nothing about) Why didn’t he just leave?

2) Was Claire “cheating” on Frank during this period because her heart
still belonged to Jamie, even though she believed him dead?
(Your/Claire’s perspective)

3) IS Frank the “pathetic slime-ball” a couple of people have labeled
him? (Not my opinion or my words, by the way–just relating the
questions). <G>” — Thanks, Susan.


Nov. 13, 2005 Diana’s reply:

“As to L’Affaire Frank…<g>
Geez Louise. You guys. <rolling eye>


Of course Frank isn’t “a pathetic slimeball.” Where do they come up
with these ideas? (My personal guess would be that the people holding
this particular opinion are possibly not that fond of their own SO,
and would trade him in for Jamie in a heartbeat. Ergo, they project
things onto Frank. But that’s only a guess.)


Look. In the books, we see Claire and Frank’s relationship only from
Claire’s point of view. Which is understandably a trifle biased,
following her return through the stones.


What we see prior to her disappearance is an awkward but affectionate
relationship between two people who are married, but who are
effectively strangers-they’ve barely seen each other in six years, and
have been back together for only a few days. They’re feeling each
other out, trying to reestablish the connection they once had, and
struggling to overcome the fact that they are now quite different
people than who they once were.


Frank asks her diffidently at one point whether she had ever been
tempted to stray during the war-assuring her that he would understand
if she had. Claire-and the reader-think that his reason for doing this
may well be that he had strayed, and would feel better about
confessing his own transgression if she had suffered similar temptations.

Well, maybe he did, and maybe he didn’t. It’s actually not an abnormal
question to ask a mate you haven’t seen in six years, and one whom you
know has been working closely with hundreds of wounded (and thus
possibly emotionally appealing) men, in conditions that you know are
stressful, dangerous, and highly conducive to passionate, if
short-lived, physical attractions.


He’s trying to ask it tactfully, but-they’re strangers. She takes
offense, and he hastily drops the question. He doesn’t bring it up
again, in the time they’re together-which is fairly short. So you have
to draw your own conclusion there:


1) he hasn’t been having affairs himself, but can’t help a certain
male feeling of curiosity/jealousy about what Claire might have been
doing,

2) perhaps he had a brief fling, which he regrets, and wants to
confess this to Claire, so their marriage can resume without his
feeling constant guilt, or

3) he’s been screwing every woman who crossed his path, but would like
to find out that Claire’s had her own affairs, so he can throw it back
at her in case she ever finds out.


OK. There is NO evidence favoring any one of these three alternatives.
None. Any one of them is as likely as another. The reader’s
conclusions depend on the reader-and each reader brings his or her own
experiences and background to the act of reading.


Now, Claire disappears. No warning, no trace, no nothing. What do you
reckon happened, when she didn’t come back? A police search, no
leads-and probably deep suspicion of the husband, who is the Most
Likely Suspect. So Frank’s left panicked, then grief-stricken, while
probably being interrogated and threatened about his wife’s
disappearance. But this must obviously have all died down in the next
three years, and Frank begins to rebuild his life.


Does the rebuilding involve any kind of relationship with women, or a
woman? Quite possibly; he’s a handsome, personable man, with friends
who would think it their duty to introduce him to women.


BUT.

Claire comes back. Filthy, malnourished, and hysterical, if not
outright demented. And, of course, pregnant. She tells him an
unbelievable story, presumably the product of a disordered mind, the
result of whatever horrible abduction/captivity/rape has resulted in
her present condition. She tells him to leave her.


Does he leave her? No. Does he produce another woman and explain that
actually, dear, while you were gone, Mary and I. No. He replies
shortly that no one but a cad would leave a woman in her condition.

So, OK. HE doesn’t think he’s a cad. Why on earth should anybody else?
He does stay with Claire, not only while she’s recovering, but
thereafter. There’s no hint that he’s pursuing a love affair started
while she was gone; in fact, he takes her to Boston, so that no hint
of scandal will attend Bree’s birth. If he did have some relationship
while she was gone, plainly he’s broken it off (and perhaps the
removal to Boston is to make such a break more definite-we don’t know,
because we don’t know what he was doing during those three years).


All right. From this point on, Claire’s view of Frank is definitely
suspect, because her own state of mind makes it impossible for her to
connect fully with him, save for brief interludes of tenderness, when
they’re able to reach one another physically (like the night he makes
love to her on the floor of the nursery). Yes, their relationship is
strained-we know that, because we see it. But the relationship of any
new parents is strained (believe me on this <g>), even if the two
parties aren’t on difficult terms to start with. And these two parties
definitely are.


Claire thinks he may be having affairs, but she doesn’t ever have
evidence of it. Either the guy is very dang good at hiding this stuff
(and unfaithful spouses almost always give themselves away)-or he
isn’t having affairs. He may well be seeking companionship, sympathy,
and ego-reinforcement from other women (he ain’t gettin’ a lot of
those things at home-but note that he isn’t leaving, either), but it’s
at least possible that he isn’t crossing the line into actual physical
infidelity. Note that Claire says that now and then she forces her
sexual attentions on him, trying to prove that he’s been with someone
else (and thus unable to respond to her)-but that every time, he does
respond to her, even if with mutual rage.


On the other hand, Frank knows beyond the shadow of a doubt that
Claire’s been unfaithful to him. At first, he most likely thinks she’s
been raped, but she goes on insisting on her absurd story. If it’s
true in any way-then she did it on purpose. This can’t do his feelings
any good. But he stays, because only a cad would abandon a pregnant
woman with no resources-and he isn’t a cad.


See, all these red-eyed readers are identifying with Claire (for the
excellent reason that she’s telling the story)-but they’d do better to
watch Frank. He clearly has a code of honor, and by God, he’s sticking
to it, dearly though it may cost him. Would a man with this kind of
code then proceed to have promiscuous affairs?


Maybe-but maybe not. His own image of himself as an honorable man is
probably as valuable to him as Claire is, at this point; if he won’t
abandon her, he won’t abandon that image, either.


Now, their relationship is definitely a difficult one. On Claire’s
side, there’s grief, resentment (over being parted from Jamie), the
fractured feelings of giving birth to Jamie’s baby, and the struggle
to build a career (which is probably not something Frank ever expected
her to want to do, and wasn’t prepared for). You note that she
apologizes to Frank only once, in their initial conversation after her
return-at which point, she’s completely hysterical. She makes it clear
that she loves Jamie more than him, even if Jamie is dead-this is Not
All That Good for a marriage.


Mind, divorce was simply Not Done at this time, in either the UK or
the US. A divorced woman was stigmatized, as was the child of divorced
parents.


Frank-honorable man that he sees himself as-isn’t going to expose
either Claire or Bree to that stigma. Besides, he’s in love with
Brianna, and doesn’t want to be parted from her. To not only divorce
Claire but also get custody of Bree would mean a huge, ugly, public
court-case, in which he would have to accuse Claire of moral
depravity, alcoholism, and anything else he could think of-and prove
it. No-fault divorce hadn’t been invented; a divorce had to be
approved by a judge, on the basis of strong evidence. (For the same
reasons, Claire wouldn’t seek to divorce Frank.


A) She wouldn’t deprive Brianna of a father who plainly loved her,
B) she wouldn’t expose Bree to the trauma of an ugly divorce case, and
C) she’d have to prove that Frank was guilty of various horrible things.
And we do see evidence that he still does love Claire. He’s angry at
her, confused by what’s happened, and obviously having a hard time
with everything-but he does love her. Enough to help her with her
medical career, even though he doesn’t like her having it and
objective enough to admire the sense of destiny that drives her to it,
even though he’s somewhat jealous that he doesn’t possess that drive
himself.


Frank a pathetic slimeball? Good grief. He’s the major tragic figure
of the books, unsung though he is. He is-on the evidence to hand-a
stand-up guy, who’s taken a horrible set of circumstances (which he
didn’t cause and had nothing to do with) and done the best he could to
build a family, do right by his daughter, and treasure what strands of
occasional tenderness form between himself and his guilt-ridden,
emotionally-distant wife.”


That help?

–Diana

On Nov. 14, 2005:

Diana wrote:

“P.S.  Forgot to note in the above that Frank, Claire, and Brianna are
all Catholics.  Catholics _really_ didn’t get divorced in the
’50’s–they still don’t do it all that often, since it means
excommunication.


I don’t at all understand why the anti-Frank contingent thinks Claire
should have left  the marriage, though.  Why? Frank wasn’t beating
her, or mentally torturing her, or otherwise behaving  badly (with, of
course, the _possible_ exception that he was being unfaithful.  And
that, we don’t know).  The only overwhelming reason she might have had
would be to go back to Jamie–which is something that Frank obviously
knows, which is why he doesn’t tell her when he finds evidence that
Jamie didn’t die at Culloden.  (And while I’m sure that the anti-Frank
people view this as more evidence that he’s a Bad Person, consider
what he himself says in his letter to the Reverend.  True, he _didn’t_
want to lose her (i.e., he loved her), but he also didn’t want to
cause her and/or Brianna additional grief and suffering by giving her
an impossible choice.  She was by that time reconciled to her live in
the present, doing well as a doctor, and if their marriage wasn’t
great, it mostly wasn’t bad.


If she knew Jamie was alive, though…either she’d choose to try to
return to him, leaving her young daughter (more horrible guilt), or
she’d stay for Bree’s sake, but be constantly torn by yearning for
Jamie.  So Frank didn’t tell her.  He clearly had mixed motives for
that, but they weren’t necessarily evil ones, at all.”


**-**
Now...I am NOT saying Diana gives Frank Haters a spanking here....I am just saying...ummm...never mind. *grin* And yes, I know DG doesn't exactly exonerate him...but she sure in the Hell makes it clear that Frank shouldn't be vilified! THAT much is clear.

Here...to make the anti-Frank squad feel better, I will buy them ice-cream, ok? That always helps...

Image result for ice cream gif

...ummm...again...never mind.


Sunday, April 9, 2017

OUTLANDER CHARACTER COVER SONGS! Songs they bring to mind...

Music can say SO much.

There are many songs that can make one immediately think of Outlander characters, whether through the music, lyrics or title, but these songs say it best for me. If you think of any more, post them in the comment section below or join us over on 'OS' (Outlander Series) the biggest and best Outlander FaceBook group EVER (click) and post your comment or video clip on the thread I will start with this blog piece in a few minutes...

**-**


BLACK JACK
Fuck You

Psycho Killer





JAMIE

Like A Virgin


Time In A Bottle


I Will Always Love You



CLAIRE

Torn Between Two Lovers

Band of Gold

Lady In Red



FRANK

Ain't NO Sunshine When She's Gone (yes, this is freakin' MmmmBop Hanson! 'Handsome' more like... the wee lads have grown up MIGHTY FINE!)


Every Time I See Your Picture

My Heart Will Go On




MRS GRAHAM
Dancing Queen



MURTAGH
All By Myself


One Is The Loneliest Number


Mr. Lonely:




LE COMTE

Poison


DOUGAL

Jimmy Crack Corn



Hard To Be Humble

Put Another Log On The Fire



LIZZIE AND THE BEARDSLEY TWINS

Let's Share

Too Young




GEILLIS

Black Widow

Witchy Woman



Evil Woman




ROGER

Son Of A Preacher Man

Like A Prayer

Clann An Drumma - Culloden (Scottish tribal drumming and bagpipes)  



LEGHAIR (LAOGHAIRE)

I Fall To Pieces



Why Not Me

Someone Like You





WILLIAM

Little Willy




BRIANNA

Respect


Hard Headed Woman


Grandpa




ANGUS
Ba Ba Black Sheep

Why Don't We Get Drunk And Screw

The Bad Touch



YOUNG IAN

Running Bear


NED GOWN

I Fought The Law



REV WAKEFIELD

Amen (from my favorite Poitier movie!)

Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life

Hallelujah



JENNY

Hey Sister, Soul Sister

Funny Boob Song



MASTER RAYMOND

Time

It's Not Easy Being Green



UNCLE LAMB

Walk Like An Egyptian



FATHER BAIN

Where Evil Grows




BONNIE PRINCE CHARLIE

Dude Looks Like A Lady


KING LOUIS

I'm Too Sexy For MY Shirt

Do You Think I'm Sexy


RUPERT

Your The Reason Our Kids Are Ugly

I Don't Look Good Naked Anymore


JAMIE/CLAIRE/FRANK

Incomplete




DIANA GABALDON

If I Could Turn Back Time

Dreamweaver

If You Could Read My Mind


**-**