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I AM PARCA'S CHOSEN:
Parca is the Roman Goddess of Childbirth and Destiny and after you get to know me, you will see why I believe she has, without doubt, made me her Poster Child. I deal with the odd serious issue but for the most part, my posts are just some cheeky fun, reviews of favorite shows, and true stories that will make you laugh out loud (or run screaming...I don't know you well enough to predict your behavior). You'll find satire with the odd parody tossed in....and most definitely a generous helping of hyperbole, with a dollop of facetiousness.

I am Canadian so expect a bit of politeness too. Sorry.

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Thursday, December 15, 2016

THINGS THAT MAKE ME GO WTF?: The Unbearable Oddness of Being *PART 2- Toilet Paper Commercials

I'm not sure if I am happy or sad that I can continue this WTF? series of posts because on one hand, it's fun to write about things that make you go WTF?, but on the other hand, seriously...WTF?

In any case: Round 2...and believe me, this was far too easy to compile and I had to limit myself to only 8:


TOILET PAPER COMMERCIALS:
MAJOR 'WTF?' MOMENTS

1) POOPURRI.COM (a timely example) EVEN SANTA POOPS
    Don't they have time limits for crap commercials? Seriously, this was long enough for a mini series. And those poor little actress girls? I hope they sue their parents...and agents. WTF?




2) SQUATTY POTTY: This Unicorn Changed the Way I Poop
     Okay, technically, this is NOT toilet paper related till the very end, but I was so inexplicably mesmerized by the sheer WTFuckiness of this commercial, I had to include it. The worst part? Again...the kids. Where the hell is Social Services when you need them? *sigh* There goes my ice cream cravings, right down the toile...never mind.




3) QUILTED NORTHERN: LITTLE MISS PUFFYTAIL
     Many thanks, QN, for creeping me out so much with this commercial that right after I shouted WTF? I ran to my bathrooms...all 3 of them, and took out any inanimate object with eyes. And any picture with things with eyes...people, dogs, potatoes...whatever.



4) ROYALE VELOUR


    
     This made me go WTF? because, as a mother of 5 kids who always had friends coming over, I not only would have called the parents of this toilet paper hound to set up a direct deposit banking account for them to pay me for the miles of toilet paper their kid was using on my dime, I would have called Dr. Phil. And not for me.
  

5) CHARMIN: THE SECRET TO CLEAN UNDERWEAR


    
     WTF? There're kids who wear their underwear only once before tossing them onto the floor next to the laundry basket? I needed to pry them off my kids with a crow bar and even then they would just turn them inside out and put them back on for another week.


6) VINTAGE CHARMIN: 1960

     What if I told you that 'Mr. Whipple', the oddball old man who can't control his need to squeeze the 'charmin' was really a convicted sexual predator who was arrested a record number of 104 times in a 3 month period for going up to women and squeezing their breasts in public?


  
     I wouldn't tell you that, because I just made it up, but the fact that he TOTALLY looks like someone who would do that it makes me say WTF? is wrong with the casting director who hired him. Well, I guess it could be worse...Mr. Whipple could have been Mr. Whipitout...

7) PUREX
    

     Yes, I know there are worse things to complain about but seriously, I was a little offended for the fellas with this one. "Women like to touch..." WTF? What about men? They only smell? Taste? Hear? They don't possess this sense, so that's why they use sandpaper to wipe their ass?

     Sorry Purex, but propagating the ageless and typically negative connotation that men are just insensitive and 'out of touch' is not helping anyone. Especially men, who very much like to touch. Proof, you ask? Sure.

Touch Football.

There ya go.

8) This next commercial is SO stupid, they won't even put it on YouTube (I tried to find it... nada!)
     Briefly, it's a mom in her kitchen who gets a text message from her young son who is out playing baseball, and she smiles and says 'Oh, Buddy..." and then grabs a roll of TP and rushes down to the field. The public bathroom is surrounded by bored teammates in minor league baseball uniforms waiting for their friend to hurry up so they can resume the game. Mom passes the TP roll to a little hand that reaches out from the stall for his personal roll of buttbuffer and she smiles apologetically to the team.

     There is SO much wrong with this ad for entitled children suffering from Affluenza, and the mom who obviously has a sever case of PSS (Parental Self-imposed Slavery), that there isn't enough room in cyberspace for me to fit it all into words, so let it suffice for me to say WTF?
*if anyone finds that damn commercial, please post me a link in the comments section...if you are still able to move after the shock of watching it...

**BONUS VIDEO: HOWIE MANDEL TOILET PAPER PRANK
    With over 18 million views this made me say WTF? when Howie thinks this is vandalism. Seriously Howie? Some local teenagers are going to rent a massive truck, crash a gated community and spend approx. 10 million dollars on asswipe just to cause you angst? I love Howie but come on...
    
    But I DID have a good laugh when a chunk of TP sticks to his shoe. Watch for it. Classic.



Question: what if it had rained?
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That's all for now...stay tuned for Part 3, whatever that may be. Thanks for popping by and letting me vent. Your community is now safe again.

READ 'WTF? PART 1' (CLICK HERE)

2 comments:

  1. Your comments and description are way funnier than the commercials, never seen them before. And we have the same strong opinion and mine seem to get stronger as I get older.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Monika...nice of you to say. And yes, the more years I survive, the more blunt I become. One learns to focus and care about what really matters: dumbass toilet paper commercial. Cheers!

      Delete

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