Having the
same, rare colored eyes as the main protagonist of Outlander was why Balfe
was first hired, but the ingenious minds at Starz devised a brilliant PR
campaign that saw blue contacts cause massive controversy and an indignant uproar
amongst die-hard book fans that garnered the kind of attention that one simply cannot buy.
It helped launch the series into the stratosphere as fodder of gossip columns,
Facebook groups and fan clubs worldwide.
Cait is
quoted as saying ‘These fucking things are itchy!’ but is a good sport and wears
them to prolong the rage/attention/ratings that they fuel.
To cut
production costs, extras were given plastic food to eat. Fruits, meats,
breads…all of it, was made of high quality, realistic looking plastic. Multiple
takes have taken their toll however, and production has suffered. There is no
record of any deaths thus far, but as we see in this picture secreted to us by
a concerned crew member, 187 extras are in hospital, 103 are in ICU and 3 of
every 17 extras are not expected to make it. *NOTE: All main cast members were
fed real food shipped in from Wolfgang Puck’s restaurant in Beverly Hills as
per their contracts.
The extra’s
‘wine’ is actually re-filtered liquid from the dye setting scene. But that may
be a rumor.
As seen
here, the actor playing main protagonist, Jamie Fraser, had individual chest
hairs meticulously glued on one by one.
Sam initially,
and naturally, had hair on his chest, but it was ripped off in lustful handfuls
by Cait during the Wedding Night scene. Shot out of sequence, this fireside
scene above was made right after the Wedding Night episode, and to avoid having to
re-shoot other scenes that were also shot out of sequence (which unfortunately showed his manly
rug), Make-Up undertook the task of shaving the hair off of a baby Llama, dying
it the reddish tint called Aging Pumpkin that was used for his head hair, and applied it to his ravaged pecs.
*Alas! The
scenes on the Wedding Night that show the savage mating that resulted in the
orgasmic hair removal (and a circus-freak-like ability to swing from a
chandelier and simultaneously perform a 69er) wound up on the cutting room
floor (but may be available for viewing on an upcoming episode of Game of
Thrones)
The lovely white Unicorn
used as the beautiful Donas (Donas is black...right?) was found
in Scotland just before production began. They are the national animal of
Scotland and thought to be extinct, but Starz executives spared no expense (and
used money set aside for real food for the extras) to locate the last of its
kind, spray paint him black and cut off his horn.
You can see
the decorative patch they used to cover the unsightly hole in the poor
creature's forehead.
Again,
striving for authenticity, filming the Druids Dance sequence around the Stones
was actually done on a solstice evening and 3 young women apparently fell
through the Stones. *They, and all the women, had signed wavers asking not to be found if lost.
Their agents
are seeking damages and so far 16,678,432 women have applied for their vacant
positions in the dance troupe which may film around the Stones again soon.
Many have
never danced before in their lives.
The normally feisty and speedy cows in
question wandered unnoticed into a marijuana patch in-between takes and had to
be pulled, dazed and mellowed, into action. They meandered with a lazy saunter
through the prison corridors and twice tried to head for the concession for
munchies but finally completed the scene before dark. Plans are to play
the cow scenes in high speed motion to simulate a stampede.
‘NO COMMENT, Dude!’ was the answer given by the Location Manager when asked if the Wacky Weed Patch was known to the team prior to shooting.
In the Most
Re-Named Scene In TV History (The Snack Bar Scene; The Table Tongue Tango
Scene; The Face First To Home Plate Scene; The Tongue Train To Tuna Town Scene
to name but a few…) actor Tobias Menzies was asked what his favorite fruit was
(which is a banana but that would have changed the entire story, so his second
fave, a peach, was used) which was carefully fastened to an old jock strap and
fitted around ‘Claire’s Lady Bits’ so ‘Frank’ could simulate cunnilingus with believability
and extra vim and vigor whilst actually eating the peach, thus receiving his
daily intake of Vitamin C.
Rumor has it
that 8 peaches in total were used by Tobias (and 2 packs of cigarettes by Cait).
9- Claire’s
wardrobe inspired a Knitting Revolution of Epic Proportions.
It is
estimated that 12 out of every 10 women over the age of 45 have either bought
Claire Cowls or Claire Sleevelettes or knitted their own. Not only do they keep
various body parts warm and add a fashionable touch to drab everyday wear, they
cover age-spotted hands and hide up to 4 chins and/or the wiggly turkey-waddle
necks of women across the globe. The younger fans of this apparel either want
to ‘be like Claire’ or hide various sizes of hickies from the prying eyes of their parents/boring
boyfriends/clergy.
A massive
wool shortage is predicted within 9 months and the price of yarn is
skyrocketing. Shares in the Australian Sheep Shearing Industry have already
risen to record highs.
10- It is a
period piece that proves that colors were not yet invented by 1945.
Thorough
research proved, and was adhered to in production, that the colors red, yellow,
green, purple, pink and blue were not yet invented by 1945.
Browns,
greys and whites had been around for a while but only because of dirty laundry
water.
11 - Sam
Heughan makes extra cash with Fangirl Hair Rubs.
To
supplement his income from Outlander (which does not quite cover his growing
obsession with sports cars and pineapple coconut Häagen-Dazs® Ice Cream), Sam rents out a small room on all the Starz
locations daily for 6 hours and allows people to come run their fingers through
his hair for $200.00 USD per minute. Tax included.
He is booked
until April 22 2019, so make your reservation soon! Appointments can be made by
calling 1-800-RUB-JAMIE
12 - The dog
actor playing Rollo is a descendant of the Coppertone Dog.
Brutus, the
doggie actor that will play Rollo is the 7th generation grandson of
the dog who won the hearts of every beach-goer of the 60’s in the iconic
Coppertone suntan lotion ad.
It is said
he and Jamie got along especially well as Brutus felt comfortable with Jamie’s highly
visible and vastly appreciated lily white ass.
13- Tobias Menzies has a twin brother Keith Percival Menzies
that plays Black Jack Randall.
Secretly separated
at birth and unbeknownst to either brother, Tobias and Keith Menzies both
became actors but were raised in separate countries (Keith lives in Mexico) and
only reunited when vigilant casting directors discovered the secret and hired
the long lost Twin B for the series. The reunion was awkward at first but the
uncanny and mutual love of white powdered donuts and porno brought the siblings
closer together. We do not know which it is, but one of the twins has only one
testicle, but both have matching birthmarks on their right buttocks shaped like
a rhinoceros with 2 horns.
American country
music crooner Tobias ‘Toby’ Keith is thought to be named after these actors but
it is not known why.
14- Actor Gary
Lewis cut off his legs to win the role of Chieftain Colum MacKenzie.
The once
6’8” actor decided to have his legs surgically removed to make himself the
required 4’1” to secure the part. He does not regret the decision and says that
he has been flooded with scripts wanting him in roles in Big Time movies like
Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory, Disney's Stuart Little and The Hobbit.
He also had
skin bleaching as he was born Jamaican.
15- Author
Diana Gabaldon is a Hermione-like witch.
Shown here
with the actor who played Chewbacca in Star Wars, Diana Gabaldon has been outed
recently as being a witch; an accusation she denies. It is obvious though that
she broke into Hogwarts, replicated Professor Slughorn’s ‘Felix Felicis’ or
Liquid Luck Potion and imbibed vast quantities of it (and uses it as perfume).
How else can
one explain her ability to ‘practice writing’ a novel that becomes a runaway bestseller,
THEN a hit book series, THEN a hit cable TV show AND also be a massively
intelligent, thoroughly academic and accomplished doctor; a beloved mother; find a loving
and decent man that is still husband #1; have physical beauty, a great sense of style; inner
grace and wondrously witty sense of humor... AND a voice that sounds like crushed velvet on steroids?
You see? The answer is right before your eyes. Felix Felicis.
That is also
the name of her dog. Coincidence? I think not.
**NOTE: If you actually believe any
of the above please do 3 things: 1) Invest in a sense of humor because you are
severely lacking; 2) Slap yourself in the head. Twice and 3) Stay the FUCK away
from me. And my dog.
CKECK OUT THE NEXT BLOG IN THIS SET: (click here) ANOTHER 15 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT OUTLANDER...kinda
CKECK OUT THE NEXT BLOG IN THIS SET: (click here) ANOTHER 15 THINGS YOU DIDN'T KNOW ABOUT OUTLANDER...kinda
Oh My Goodness. I just got an "Oooo...kay" from Herself! I appreciate that it can be taken as an 'Ooookay...that was weirdly awesome!' or an 'Ooookay. Time for someone to geta LOT more sleep!' BUT you know what...I WILL TAKE THEM BOTH because I know Diana read this and at least got a smile enough from it to re-post it on her FB page.*I wonder how many will be slapping themselves tonight? Twice.
THANK YOU Madame. I am your humble servant...kinda. ;)
LINK: Diana's Re-post
it's verra clever how you inserted some actual facts into this fictitious, funny post! the knitting obsession is totally real, and I won't rat you out on the other real things you said. what are friends for?
ReplyDeleteMany thanks Jean. True friends are hard to find...unless you own a computer apparently ;) Cheers! :D
DeleteLMAO Love it! Thanks you made my night!
ReplyDeleteMy pleasure! Thanks for not having to slap yourself. Twice.
DeleteI knitted my way through every episode. Sold some pieces, too. :-) Those little shawlettes have turned out to be a brilliant way of keeping neck and shoulders warm so I don't freeze at work.
ReplyDeleteCongrats on your 'ooo kay' ;-) Enjoy the viewing spike!
Indeed! I moderate the largest Outlander fan FaceBook forum (Outlander Series Facebook Group) and I can't tell you how many knitting posts we get to replicate Claire's clothing. Knitters are a WILD MAD bunch!! Who knew? ;)
DeleteThis was the funniest thing that I've read in a long time! Had me in tears from laughter. Great way to begin the day! Thank you.
ReplyDeleteMany thanks! This parody on all those Lists we are bombarded with online seems to have hit a funny bone or two. Cheers!
DeleteOh, thank you very much for such a cute post! My husnabd and I (yeah, he's watched *and* liked the series too) were luaghing tears reading this! He liked the Unicorn thing the best and I enjoyed Colum most of all (and I do knit, as well ;)
ReplyDeleteDonas, Colum and knitting? I triple whammied you guys! Thanks for the great comment. :)
DeleteAt first I was like, WTF?!? This some funny writing. Congrats on Herself noticing your blog.
ReplyDeleteLOL! Almost caught ya, hmm? Thanks for the compliment. Not all parody is appreciated. HA! Herself re-posted another of my pieces a short while ago called Franklander. It is here on this blog if ye wish ta eyeball it some. ;)
DeleteHysterical! I admit you had me going for a few seconds. PMSL. If herself didna think it funny she wouldn't have shared. Loved the bit about the urine and plastic food results.
ReplyDeleteKind of you to say. :) I think DG did enjoy it too...she certainly would not have wanted her readership to check it out otherwise. She has re-posted me before so I hope she gets some enjoyment from my writing as I have enjoyed hers for over 20 years. A small payback of sorts. Cheers!
DeleteLooking forward to your next installment after the series resumes in April.....great way to satisfy the winter drought Outlander fans are experiencing. Kudos!
ReplyDeleteCheers and beers!
DeleteOh wow, these are hilarious but it does raise some questions about Diana for sure. It was obviously magic that made her so awesome.
ReplyDeleteI am just hoping she doesn't retaliate for outing her by turning me into a one of Ron Weasley's barf slugs. ;)
Deletehilarious! well-done!
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly Susan!
DeleteSlap...Slap....
ReplyDeleteNo, I'm not slapping myself. Just some others who have needed it for a very long time. 😊
Thanks for the laugh.
Okay...that made ME laugh...thank YOU! Haaaaaaaa!!
Deletefunny work...thanks for the laugh!
ReplyDeleteAnytime. Thanks for the thanks. :)
DeleteOh my goodness, I can't stop laughing! So funny, including the comments you added at the bottom. Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteAnyone who writes parodies or light humor does it for two reasons: to get rid of gas, and to make people smile. It's mutually beneficial. ;) Thanks for your comment.
DeleteAbsolutely love the "get laid or buy peaches" comment! LMAO Bullies like these are the reason I'm no longer on twitter!
ReplyDeleteProof that fruit is the most important food group. And yes, bullies are everywhere. It is an overused word that I do not use lightly but what else do you call unfulfilled and loveless people that stalk you on online? I am just a grandmother who moderates a FB group. It is a fun hobby I do since I write and am on my computer a LOT anyway. Desperate strangers do not affect my life in any way except for the odd belly laugh at their self-righteous indignation. I truly I feel for young kids who are not mature enough to laugh at the absurdity of it and walk away.
DeleteBwahahaha
ReplyDeleteHee Hee Hee
DeleteThanks for the mention! Write on! :)
ReplyDeleteGodfather III. Of course I got it! Lol
ReplyDeleteI am not surprised you would know. We are already sistas, it seems. ;)
DeleteI am always in awe of your ability to make me howl on the floor, grab my tummy,laugh out loud.
ReplyDeleteI hope Captain Hook realizes this is a good thing and not some sort of affliction. ;)
DeleteOMG, so Jaime's - I mean, Sam's - hairs were individually glued on. I wonder which hurt most: the gluing or the original pulling out. I do love a good parody, and this is one of the best. Glad Diana Gabaldon gave it such high praise with her "Ooooo...kay." You should print that and frame it, as it is extremely rare for such busy, best-selling authors to have time to contact other writers, even if they're blogging about a show based on their books.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Alexandria
THANK YOU! Coming from an accomplished author as yourself, that is high praise indeed! I am thrilled you enjoyed it. If you don't mind, I will mention here that your blog post on Outlander was excellent and a very interesting take. WELL worth the read. Not everybody will agree but hey...I kinda get that myself, as you can see. *smile* Cheers and thanks again! From The Alexandria papers- An Outlander Starz Review: https://www.thealexandriapapers.com/both-sides-now-review-of-the-mid-season-finale-of-starzs-outlander-and-season-1-part-2/comment-page-1/?subscribe=success#blog_subscription-2
DeleteThis is hilarious. "I'll have what she's having." :)
ReplyDeleteIt looks to me that this blog was under an invisibility cloak for more than a year.. (at least the comments section) See what happens when..
ReplyDeleteAnyway.. when actor Steven Cree, playing Ian Murray, had his leg repeatedly cut, stored on ice, and reattached between takes, there are rumours that he attacked whisky-eyed doctor Claire with his wooden peg... I am deeply disturbed by the lengths the actors and the production powers that be are going to, for authenticity. I mean, why couldn't they cast one of the many actors who cut their leg prior to going to the audition?
Hi Doina...let me reply to your comment: 1) there is no invisibility cloak here...in any way. My blog has an 'adults only' type of filter wherein you cannot just hop on my blog, but forest you must agree that you know there is adult content, approve, then pop on. And I DO have a moderator who reads all my mail first here and removes abusive comments or troll shit etc... before I see it, but when I do get mail like yours, it is allowed on the page and I do answer. Hope that helps. 2) I have NO idea what you are talking about with cut legs and Ian chasing Claire etc...so please, do explain further so I can reply intelligently. Thanks!
DeleteDoina...nevermind...I get that you were just continuing the joking... *smile*
DeleteCait mentioned in an interview that the doctor on set was named Claire and had whisky coloured eyes :) So, this Claire, not the *other* Claire :) As I just got the collector's edition, I noticed in the "Making Of" extras that there is a tiny disclaimer ("No doctors were harmed in the making of this series") and there's a tiny clip of the good doctor defending herself - she's mighty fine with a dirk! So, all's well when it ends "ooooo.... key" ;)
Deletereal urine was used and they men were paid with free beer and a chicken lol
ReplyDeleteUnknown: yup. would I lie to you?
Delete