OKAY UNIVERSE. I'M LISTENING (but enough with the brain tumours already)

I have always believed in Signs. Oddball or stranger-than-usual coincidences that grab your attention, even for a split second, and you just KNOW there is a message there somewhere. 

How one is to interpret or read those Signs is another thing.

What the hell use is there of a message one can't understand? Ah...well, I'm beginning to think only age and experience can reveal that answer. Not a satisfying revelation, I must say.

Take, for example, the events of the past month: we all get good news and bad news, that's life, but how often do they come in patterns that repeat. It may be a pattern that has visited me before but I was too young and racing at Indie 500 speed to notice.

Youth doesn't pertain to me anymore. Speed isn't my friend.

So, here's the thing. Twice now, I have gotten either fun/good news that is immediately followed by truly harsh and unimaginably sad news. I'm talking within seconds of each other!

Just weeks ago, someone in my immediate family (cant say who cuz they would shred me) won a few coins in the lottery. $500,000.00. Quite a few coins actually. And within 3 seconds of hanging up the phone in wonder and awe of how many Creamsicles one could buy with half a million bucks, the phone rings to say our dear sister-in-law in Austria died of a brain tumour. Andrea was the beautiful wife of my husband's youngest brother Michael. She was diagnosed and hospitalized only 2 weeks before passing. It was a shock and sorrow double-punch to the gut. You reel back at the sudden tragedy and grasp for answers that nobody can answer. She was a kind and lovely soul.

And it feels somehow worse because Fate had made your heart extra happy first, lifting you up high so the fall is worse. Felt more keenly.

'Okay', I said.  'That's just bad timing. Such is life. Deal with it and carry on carrying on.' (like the posters say). Struggle with the happy thoughts of the good news battling the tears of the sad. All day long. All week long....

But then today, it happened again. 

The Happy High wasn't a big lottery win (that would have made it a Proclamation, not a Sign) but a silly fun win. I had written the Chimes candy company weeks ago, whinging that my bag of Ginger Mango Chews ripped me off with an empty, air filled wrapper. It had been like the 4th time this happened and I was right pissed off! Trivial, perhaps, but it seemed unfair to not get what you paid for...so there ya go. Old People World Problems. Loads of Pandemic Time on my hands.

Imagine my surprise when I got a phone call from California (I am in Canada) from the Chimes company PR rep who apologized profusely for my deep suffering at the loss of my single ginger mango chew (with sincerity, not a trace of condescension) and explained to me that the weight of each bag is consistent, and the empty wrapper was common but irrelevant. Then he offered to send me some free chews for my trouble and sweetly said goodbye. Nice!

I clicked off my phone with a massive Cheshire grin, and immediately within seconds of hanging up, received the news that my son-in-law Duncan had died of a brain tumour. Duncan was the husband of my eldest daughter Chantal, and father to their three young children. My gorgeous grandchildren. It was another shock and sorrow double-punch to the gut. With the added shank to the back because, well... kids.

Ummm...hello? Universe? Are you trying to tell me something?

Admittedly, the Happy High wasn't as lofty as the lottery win but I was floating on a cheeky win nevertheless and doing the happy dance, then, well, you know. Devastating sadness. Unspeakable heartbreak. For everyone. And the loss of a wonderful guy. So funny, so smart, so good.

'Okay', I said.  'That's just bad timing. Again. Such is life. Deal with it and carry on carrying on'. (like the posters say).  But now there is the added absurdity of that Californian sun-soaked voice repeatedly saying "I am SO sorry you had to go through that..." about a fucking piece of missing candy, while my mind sporadically spits out sparks of reality to my head about poor Duncan. All day long, making me fight tears that wont change a bloody thing.

So yea. This is a repeated Sign I have to figure out what the message is about. And soon. Or I just wont pick up the phone again.

Not worth the risk. 💔

(💫Believe it or not, I just remembered this pattern happened before: In Year 2000, we took the kids to Europe for 6 weeks on a first ever family tour, and when we returned, all Happy High, I called a best buddy Lana to chat about our amazing trip, she told me her husband Bernie, the most adorable man ever created, was diagnosed with a brain tumour just after we left, and died a week after we returned. Man...I need to process this...)

DONATE: If you wish, please donate what you can to the CURE BRAIN CANCER FOUNDATION (click capitalized name for email link). In memory of Duncan Cutler, Australia, if you like. THANK YOU.💓

CAPTAIN! SIGNS AHOY!!

As some of you may already know from previous posts, I believe in Signs. When something is beyond coincidental or just too bizarre for words…I call it a Sign, and I should be paying attention to what it may mean. Most of the time I simply see it as a confirmation that I am at the right place and the right time in my life and my choices have been good. 

I have found lost, tiny diamonds from my rings in places that I had no business even looking, but the Hand of God (or index finger of Buddha) pointed me in the right direction; I have experienced circumstances that border miraculous (scroll down and see my Dec.10.2010 post) and I have been guided by a Guardian Angel in finding a lost child in a Mall the size of Texas…

BUT…

NOTHING has been as mind-blowing as the day I had last week. It was a Sign Tsunami and I barely kept my head above the water. I can only write of it now after giving it due thought. Here’s how it went (with my initial responses in parentheses):

1) a- Driving my daughter Katja to school in the morning, we get on the subject of Jurassic Park and the fat guy who gets eaten by a prehistoric fan-faced lizard. Cool scene. You know…amiable, pre-school-time blood and guts death scene chit-chat. Starts the day out warm and fuzzy.

b- When she gets home, I tell her that I came across a picture of the fat man and lizard in the news online shortly after I got home. Did NOT look for it! She jokingly suggests that that it’s a Sign referring to me (the fat man…yes I’ve gained few pounds, thank you) and her oldest sister who is arguing with me at present: she is the lizard attacking me, you see. She laughs at the comparison but stops when I tell her that her big sister once had the name Lizard. “That’s kinda weird, Mom.” Indeed.  (*Well…that’s a bit bizarre. Double bizarre. Picture AND nickname!)

2) a- Went to the library and a random book title caught my eye that I thought was a favorite play of mine, Shakespeare’s ‘Taming of the Shrew’. It ended up being ‘Turn of the Screw’, by Henry James.  I put it back.

  b- That afternoon I see a video clip that has one character say to another, ‘The key is on the bookshelf. Look behind the book called Turn of the Screw. (*Wow! What are the odds?)

3) a- I see my doctor for a prescription refill and ask her about a safe diet she can recommend. She says The South Beach Diet is perfect. Try it.

b- A few hours later, I get an obvious SPAM email touting the benefits and magic of The South Beach Diet. My doctor does not know my email addy and I have never looked it up. (*Holy crap! Am I paranoid, or what?)

4) a- After school, Katja and I drive to Value Village to find some pieces to make a cowgirl costume for School Spirit Day. While driving, she asks me to recommend a few Moldy Oldies tunes to download on her iPod.  So, I grab at a distant memory and mention Mr. Roboto by Styx and sing a few bars: Domo arigato Mr. Roboto! Domo! We laugh. Silly song. We’ll have to ask Scotty, her big brother, what that means. He speaks Japanese quite well after having lived in Japan after university.

b- 10 minutes later, it comes on the radio. I hadn’t heard it for 10 years! “Mom…isn’t that the song you were just singing?” (*Bloody hell! What's next? A Japanese robot at the next stop sign?)

5) a- We get to Value Village to find some cheap cowboy vests and boots…cheap horse maybe. Preferably stuffed.

b- Katja sits down and starts to put on a rather perfect pair of ladies cowboy boots when I tell her to stop and listen closely to the piped in music humming overhead throughout the store.  She stops mid-pull, looks up to me with huge, surprised eyes and says, “Oh my God! Is that Nancy Sinatra? Freaky!” (Yes, my 13 year old likes Nancy) And yes. You guessed it. ‘These Boots Are Made For Walkin’’ was our boot-hunting back-up music. (*Holy shit!)

6) a- That evening, my son Steven calls from Alberta and we chat. TV shows I get for free online come up in the conversation and I mention that I am hooked on The Big Bang Theory. He loves that show and asks if I have seen The Ball Pit episode yet. Too funny Mom! Killer hilarious!

b- You know what I’m going to say, right? After we hang up, Katja and I sit on the computer and bring up the next episode on the list. Half-way through, guess what scene pops up? The Ball Pit Scene. It’s great, but I am too flustered by this time to enjoy it fully. (*Feckin Feckity Feck! Out of 6 seasons of 23 episodes each…let’s see, that’s a possible 138 episodes,  that one comes on just then! I need to buy a lottery ticket.)

7) a- Before tackling my all-night book writing session (as I do nightly), I watch a little ‘TV’ online. I am currently watching LOST. We gave up TV but we still watch what we want online. Saves cash, it’s commercial free and makes us all read a lot more. SO…I watch the next episode…but wish I hadn’t. Without going into a long explanation of what happens, let me just say that in it, one character tells another a story about how he won the lottery and got the numbers from a guy way far away in a place called Kalgoorlie, Australia. It was a man who was fighting with his son and he wished he had the guts to call him on the phone.

b- This REALLY blew me away…after a day of endless blow-aways:  My daughter, the aforementioned Lizard who is on the outs with me right now (and who I wish I could call) lived in Kalgoorlie, Australia and JUST moved out of it! (*Okay. Fine. Is that a Sign to call? Was that a punch in the gut or what! What am I supposed to do! AAARRGGGHHH!)

This was all blog-worthy, crazy–ass stuff I knew I should write about, but the straw that broke the camel’s back happened the next morning at breakfast.  I KNEW I had to get this all down for the world to see, if only as evidence to my now 100% belief in SIGNS and my new goal in discovering what the Sam Hell they mean! What happened, you ask? Well…

8) a- I had slept in after a 5:00 a.m. bedtime (I write better at night) so I had breakfast alone and late (not usual)…about 10:00 a.m. I had bought a treat for Katja the week prior and got her a sugar cereal (again, not a usual) and decided that I was craving some of her Captain Crunch. Why not? The South Beach could wait. Mom’s can have some fun too, right?

b- Wrong. What happened next was not 'fun'. It was insane! So much, that I even took a picture of it. I sat down to eat my Captain Crunch and watch one of my favorite comedians, Stephen Colbert on The Colbert Report. THIS is what came on as I ate:

You can imagine me sitting there, spoon frozen mid-way to my mouth, looking at the Captain. I hadn’t eaten CC for years, but there it was. RIGHT IN MY FACE! Here is a bowl shot for further proof:

 And the ONLY thing that was even MORE bizarre, was this:

 

 Yes…I was reminded that my husband is from Germany. (*I surrender. Strike me down with lightning and take me now.)
 

Here is a 60 second clip of it (I won't even go into the 'coincidence' that my ex-husband is a dentist. My head might explode.):

I am either exceedingly perspicacious or just headed for some kick-ass Enlightenment! All these Signs! What am I to do with this information?
 

I haven't a bloody clue. Somebody give me a Sign!