POLDARK SEASON 1 EPISODE 3: THE JEKYLL & HYDE CONUNDRUM

This was my Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde episode.

From the get-go I was tossed back and forth betwixt good and bad; happy and sad; pleased and disappointed; YAY and WTF? NEVER have the words ‘…but on the other hand…’ crossed my mind so often while watching a show. Any show.

For example, the biggest J&K (Jekyll &Hyde) Moment was: The First Kiss

FINALLY! Ross and Demelza kiss! I was on the edge of my seat ... waiting ... holding my breath... and I thought ‘Good God they look amazing together…the sexual tension is going to set my tv on fire! But on the other hand, could nobody on the set see that Ross’s nose was going to break and they should re-take the kiss to make it prettier?' I think it was raw and sexy and full of passion, but from a visual standpoint (I dabble in photography so I am very visual) it was awkward and smushy. *yes. smushy.

Let me show you what I mean. I tried to ss (screen shot) The Kiss and this was the best I could get: *as always, click to enlarge each picture*

Let's compare that to other classic kisses:

                   

                                                                          

                                           

                           

                               

                                        

                               

                               

THEN, there The Ross/Demelza Kiss:

See what I mean? It looks like his nostril is screaming for help. To be fair, it IS natural and un-staged and yes, we all can look goofy in the throes of passion, so why not keep it real. *sigh* Luckily it doesn’t last too long (and, to be honest, even Ross's smushiest kiss is loads better than everyone elses' picture perfect one)....and we get a Master Class is sexy foreplay in the next scene in the bedroom. It makes up for everything. And I do mean everything, including world hunger, most diseases, Chihuahuas, Bieber, Trump and global warming.

So, here is my review in Jekyll & Hyde Form, so you can share my joy/consternation in real-time throughout the show:

Ø  Ross is opening the mine and the people have work again…but on the other hand, the risk is all Ross’s and his neck really IS on the line.

Ø  Ross’s thoughtful praise of Demelza’s cooking kills you for the sheer delight it brings to her delicate face, but on the other hand, how sad it is that her life has been so shitty that this is a highlight of it.

Ø  It’s good that Verity is trying to keep busy and forget her near-lover Captain Blamey, but on the other hand, she may not be succeeding, if her needlepoint is any indication:

Ø  How wonderful that there are doctors in that era to help women survive childbirth, but on the other hand WHAT THE HELL ARE THOSE THINGS ON THE TABLE? *the looks on their faces says it all...

Ø  It is not unusual for men in those days (and unfortunately, even today) to be proud of producing a male heir to their fortunes so, whatever… but on the other hand, two of these three stooges need a good kick to the sac. The third needs one later on in the show.

Ø  It is a little embarrassing to see actors try and dance awkwardly to the folksy, local dances of the era they are representing, but on the other hand, R&D exchange some great looks that speaks loads,  so who cares. It is a good vehicle to take us to their joining of minds.

                          

Ø  Ross’s uncles’ home is pretentious, opulent and reeks of old money born from inequality and the snotty British Class System, but on the other hand, HOT DAMN I want that house!

Ø  Ross is tag-teamed by the Warleggan version of Draco and Lucius Malfoy (another father son duo worthy of voodoo doll effigies) and it is unpleasant, but on the other hand, I will get to make a fun meme at their expense.

Ø  George Warleggan seems to be everywhere at once and it is annoying as hell to see his influence over Francis and others, but on the other hand, it will make a great Drinking Game addition to down a glass every time the ubiquitous George pops in a scene: I will call it the 'George W. Lush Game' *snicker* Did you see what I did there?

Ø  I am not overly excited about the actor they chose to play Francis (Kyle Soller), but on the other hand, Prince Harry can fill in as his understudy in case he gets sick.

Ø  Jeffrey Poldark is a good strong name for the new baby, but on the other hand, it IS awfully close to the name Joffrey Baratheon (Game of Thrones), who is associated with pain, bad luck and death. It could be a sign of bad things to come and…oops, never mind.

Ø  I cannot stomach these gossipy conceited women, but on the other hand, if they ever do a 'Bitches of Eastwick' movie, these three are shoe-ins:

Ø  It is SO romantic that Verity got a locket and miniature painting of her beloved, but on the other hand, who the hell is it? Can’t be Captain Blamey…but perhaps his evil twin? *yikes*

Ø Francis had gone a-whoring with Ms. Margaret and Ross can see that Elizabeth’s marriage is a farce, but on the other hand, if his feelings for her are really faded, then he can view it as her comeuppance for not waiting for him. A small taste of revenge for a man who is so decent, he probably won’t even enjoy it.

Ø  How sweet is it that Demelza finds a dress, but on the other hand, too bad its Shrek Vomit green and looks dirty.

Ø  It’s a key moment and a lovely one at that, when Ross, concerned about Demelza not having eaten, sets a place for her across from him and says ‘Eat now. Sit.’, as it signifies a whole new intimate side to their relationship where they look like a couple…but on the other hand, George Warleggan is probably under the table...*or in the window? Good Lord...

Ø  Ross is a good man and is quite astute, but on the other hand:

Ø  The Judge at Jim Carter's trial, the Reverend Halse, is a cold blooded, first class asshole who deserves to be tarred, feathered and run up a flagpole by his balls, stabbed with rusty forks and have his toenails removed with white hot pokers, but on the other hand, the actor playing the part is none other than Robin Ellis, the original Poldark for the 1970’s hit on PBS Masterpiece! He was brilliant!

Ø  It is maddening and so very sad that young Jim is thrown in a disease infested jail, never seeing his new wife again and never meeting his wee baby daughter; neglected, abused, and probably dying in that hellish hole before he sees the age of 20, but on the other hand, the camera does catch a classic, well-centered Kodak moment as he suffers:

Ø  Even though Demelza is distraught about her father wanting to take her back home, she shouldn’t be rifling through Ross’s things, but on the other hand, HOLY CRAP! Look at that amazing model ship on the desk! Me. Want. Now.

Ø  Ross is distraught, angry, belligerent and should just go to bed, but on the other hand, this is a chance for him to see Demelza dressed as a lady and ‘one of his own class’, and maybe a spark would fly… if he’d only turn around. Ross… oh Ross!

Ø  Demelza is caught in the ugliest dress this side of the solar system, that is not only unflattering to her athletic, boyish figure, but makes her chest look almost concave…but on the other hand, she could wear a burlap sack and a pair of bowling shoes and look stunningly gorgeous, so it’s okay.

Ø  Poor Demelza can’t get out of her dress, but on the other hand, Ross can help. *which gives us this picture; the one that out-sexifies any other pre-sex/first-time/mad-epic-love picture ever made. Killer beautiful moment, perfectly acted and responsible for exploding ovaries worldwide (and for more revived sex lives in the United Kingdom than Tom Jones and Colin Firth put together). Like so many in-your-face shows that need explicit pseudo-porn sex to keep its viewership, Poldark will thrive on the classier Imagination Sex, which is always better anyway.

Ø  It would ruin Demelza’s reputation forever and make her the laughing stock of her world AND paint her ruined for any other man if she is caught in bed with Ross, her Master and Upper Class man of Good Name and Position in Society... but on the other hand, she gets to wake up to this:

Ø  Ross has to work bone-crunching hard to make his land a viable source of income and it is punishment on his body, but on the other hand, this is his body:

                                     

                                          

Ø  Demelza sees Ross in a new light now, as a lover and a man she truly loves and this can only lead to heartache and trouble, but on the other hand, she gets to watch him with new eyes that sets her blood afire and she will have her memories of their night of love forever…and nobody can ever take that away from her.

*                                                  *wait, is that George again?

Ø  The ocean is a calming force that helps one think clearly, but on the other hand, floating plastic bottles don’t belong in a period piece where plastic hasn't been invented yet.

Ø  The landscape shots are lovely but too prevalent for a show that seems rushed already, but on the other hand, one does get a feeling that they are scouting for a chunk of Cornwall for POLDARKLAND. I am SO going when it’s built! Hope there is a Ride Ross feature…

Ø  Ross did right by Demelza and got her to the church to marry her, but on the other hand, GODDAMN MASTERPIECE CUT THE SCENE SHORT and made their marriage a cliff hanger! "Do you Ross Vennor Poldark, take this woman to be you lawful wedded wife?" 

Then ZIP! Clipped crescendo in the background music and then cut to closing credits. 

Ishityounot.

  *that George!

Really PBS? That’s how you chose to play with the feelings and emotions of the viewers whose hearts are bursting with joy, waiting to hear the words ‘I DO’ in the sweetest moment in the lives of two wounded and hurting souls who have found each other against all odds, having stumbled onto true love and happiness? 

Up yours.

That’s it then. You may or may not agree with all of my points, but admit it, you DO agree with the balls up the flagpole, right?

I knew it.

*Link to Review of Episode 1 HERE
*Link to REview of Episode 2 HERE

POLDARK SEASON 1 EPISODE 2: Wheals of Fortune & 20 Provoked Thoughts

Wheal Leisure and the Glottal Stop.

With so much sexiness on the screen, one may think it rather anal to focus on the name of Ross Poldark’s mine, but please, let me just get this off my chest.

Frasier fans may recognize the term 'Glottal Stop' from an episode where Niles and Daphne Crane are discussing baby names and ‘Jack’ is suggested. Niles explains how uncomfortable it is to have the last consonant of a name match that of the immediate surname, forcing one to blend the names together in a grammatically difficult manner. For example, Jack Crane sounds like Jackrain, unless you harshly enunciate the K, make a space, then carry on. *try this youtube clip...it explains it. Don't fall asleep.

That awkward blend is what jumped at me when this popped on the screen:

                      **REMINDER: CLICK ON ALL PICS TO ENLARGE**

I read it and in my mind, and then out loud, Wheal Leisure sounded like Wheeleezure. And like the PSY’s Gangman Style, once heard, it cannot be unheard. Henceforth, Wheeleezure it shall be. *my sincerest apologies to the late, great Winston Graham

So...

Episode 2 proved to be quite thought provoking:

Provoked Thought 1: Did the producers of 'A Few Good Men' copy the spit-polished, Sunday best suicide of the guilt ridden Lt. Col.Markinson from the spit-polished, Sunday best suicide of shamed Wheal Reeth mine owner, Lord Basset? Both dressed to kill (bad pun) and both played deadly mouth organs for their messy deaths. *Al Pacino almost did the same in 'Scent of A Woman' as well...so maybe Poldark's influence is wider spread than I thought? Or maybe it's tradition for authority figures?

Provoked Thought 2: What the hell is it with all the redheaded women with dark haired mates? They are a minority but if you looked at the leads of many shows and books etc, you would think they Rule The World. And they do. Our fantasy world. Here are the ones that come to mind first:

Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter

Lucille Ball and Desi Arnaz Junior

Fred and Wilma

Ann-Margaret and Elvis

Ariel and Eric

Mary Jane and Spiderman

Pippi Longstocking and her Monkey

Lassie and Liz Taylor

   Okay...I'll stop. But comment if you think of more!

They are everywhere, but they all pale in comparison to our lovely Demelza and her mate, the dark and handsome Ross (yea yea...I know. Not YET.)

Provoked Thought 3: Is the show sponsored by the Cornwall Tourism Board? The galloping horses being ridden back and forth along the cliffs is almost like an annoying commercial. It's okay the first time, acceptable the second, but eventually you swear you'll never buy whatever the hell it is they're selling. Why not just slap a Budweiser logo on the horses' asses and make some revenue from it at least. *hmmm, probably not wise given the previous sentence.

If I ever make a Poldark Drinking Game (and I will), I am putting in a ‘1 full glass of wine every time we see a horse, a cliff and the ocean in the same shot’. That will be some party! True, watching all that hair being tossed by the wind is worth the tedium of segue-hoof-beats but still it's…

OMG. 

That's right.

The Hair.

Provoked Thought 4: A proper debate must be had whether Ross’s hair deserves its own credits on the screen. It is utterly magnificent. Fields of thick, rippling wheat, rolling in rich waves of natural abundance never looked so good to a starving village of peasants as Ross Poldark’s hair looks to me and a few million other women. It’s coiffed chocolate. Never since McDreamy has a sexy mop of hair awakened tired ovaries out of hibernation, ready to explode.

In the annals of Celebrity Hair Gods, Aidan Turner is Kings of Kings:

It even has its own twitter account:

@PoldarksHair and a new Face Book Page: Ross Poldark's Hair 

                                              Nuff said.

Provoked Thought 5: In Psychology, there are 5 Big Personality Traits and they are well represented in this story by the core body of characters; each personified with top-notch acting:

1)Extraversion: husband/wife team, Jud and Purdie Paynter

                 

2) Agreeableness: Verity Poldark Blamey (I still love that name…Don’t Blamey if she ran off! *snicker*)

                                     

3) Conscientiousness: Ross Poldark

                                                

4)Neuroticism: George Warleggan (puts the ‘war’ in Warleggan)

                                   

5) Openness: Demelza Carne Poldark

                                            

I would, however, like to add another: 

6) Reliability: The Coastline/Scenery

                  

                                              

 As a much used 'character', the coastline of Cornwall is a stalwart and dependable presence that one can always count on to be there. In fact, I think it almost overused and should take a holiday. The producers can replace any further windy, dead space panorama footage with more 'one on one' (and I do mean one ON one) Ross/Demelza time. *hint hint wink wink say no more

Provoked Thought 6:

Provoked Thought 7: Smiles. We don’t see Ross Poldark smile much on the show, and after googling Aiden Turner and seeing that 99.9% of his pics and gifs are of him smiling that glorious, infectious Grin of Wonder, it’s a bloody outrage! I am starting a hunger strike until they decide to write in more opportunities for Ross to laugh and smile (it’s a book adaptation, go ahead and fuck it up like everyone else does!) Yes…I fight for what I want and until I see more teeth and #squintyhappypoldarkeyes I will shun all second desserts and refuse extra cheese on my burgers. I swear to God I will!

                

                               

                                    

                                            
                                           

If those don’t pull at your heartstrings like newborn white kittens playing in a basket of blue yarn, then you should to go into politics.

Provoked Thought 8: The Magic Apple. Not a biggie but I had to smile. Trivia worthy.

Provoked Thought 9: Hopes of seeing shots like this may be one (great fucking) reason to watch Poldark, 

…but there are some other images that leave one breathless with lust and quivering excitement, dreaming of running your fingers sensually over the stiff and hard beauty of…books! *grin*

                                           The Lost Chapters:

Oak lined libraries and close-ups of leather bound tomes are as much an aphrodisiac as any thick'n curly chest hair…

…oops…did that fall out again? Sorry. *tucks into bra strap*

Yes. Books are like an aphrodisiac and CHAPTERS, Barnes and Noble, Amazon are like Love Shops, full or Romance Enhancers...but never forget, so is your local library, or as I like to call it, the B-Spot. If you can't find your B-Spot, ask your husband/girlfriend/lover to help locate it. It's more than worth the effort.

Provoked Thought 10: Mining for copper. They make it seem so difficult on the show but I am sure it's exaggerated. I mean really, from what I saw, how hard could it be? Pluckem'em and smelt'em!

Provoked Thought 11: Uncle Charles looks suspiciously like Don Rickles, so maybe he pulled an Elvis and faked his death? *and there is NO way that I was alone in this thought....

Provoked Thought 12: Cousin Francis has his heart in the right place and starts off a decent chap (believes in equality and wants to remain tight with Ross) but he becomes the milquetoast of the series and George Warleggan's continually using him to trip up Ross is beginning to piss me off. The man has such a rubber backbone, every time he rides a horse he reminds me of this iconic duo:

 
                                     

What a maroon. He THINKS Elizabeth might still love Ross but really, there ARE signs if you look carefully, like...

...and, well...

If the show ever starts merchandizing, they can sell 'Forbidden Love Tanning Lotion', 'Unrequited Love Brandy (10 Litre Bottle)' and speaking of Francis, here’s a product  that is both appropriate AND delicious!

Provoked Thought 13: It's a rare fleeting treat, but when Ross grins a certain way, his Shy Dimple caves in and adds a touch of boyishness to his otherwise serious looking, chiseled, God-like face. When I die, I want to be buried in it.

                                          *click to enlarge

                   
             Easier to see here in his younger days: *collective awwwwww *            
                                    

Provoked Thought 14: Captain Morgan and Captain Poldark have the same hat. I haven’t seen it on anyone else. Doesn’t mean a damn thing. Just wondered why. Makes me thirsty for Spiced Rum every time hear Ross called Captain though, so I guess that's something. *oh, and they're both wicked sexy (in a fictional book/cartoon hunk kinda way)

Provoked Thought 15: The Ball. Ruth Teague. Best Burn Ever. 

Provoked Thought 16: I have never been jealous of a prostitute before but even though Margaret The Hooker looks like a cross between Miss Kitty from Gunsmoke and painter Frida Kahlo...

...I envied her her Wild Jungle Sex Night with Captain Ross when he was caught in a ferocious storm of horniness and needed a harbor for his mighty ship to unload its crew of crazed seamen.  

(*snicker* When you go cheesy, go all the way)

Provoked Thought 17: The cloak was lovey, but I was hoping for an Harry Potter Invisibility Cloak. I would have hidden under it and clotheslined those two twatwaffles who laughed at Demelza as she walked by so happily in her first brand new piece of clothing. They wouldn’t have known what hit them.  

*and notice Ross's smirk of pride? Love it!

Provoked Thought 18: 

I don't care what you say...that was a dirty little double entendre and blatantly offering your daughter's syllaboobs to a man to taste for their succulence is pretty much High Class Whore Mongering,okay? Okay. I've had no use for these two Desparate Houseflies ever since they trash-talked Ross and his dad while he tried sleeping in the coach on his return home from the war in Episode 1.

Having said this though, I will try my hand at making a syllabub JUST so I can see what all the rage was back then. 

                                             SYLLABUB RECIPE

                 

Provoked Thought 19: Verity is honest, kind, subservient and sweet, but she ain’t no fool. Looking at the ship with her surprise new suitor, Captain Blamey, she was clever: SO excited about learning what a mast was and shiver-me-timbers if she wasn’t enthralled by the poopdeck! *flutters eyes innocently...SO MANY PARTS!* Nicely played Miss Verity. Nicely played indeed.

 *click to enlarge or use crtl key and plus/minus key together to zoom in or out

Provoked Thought 20: Naked Ross in the water?

                             

                                    Well, Demelza's reaction was sweet:

                               

                                      My first reaction was not as subtle...

              

                                            My second reaction, poetic:

“If I were but a Mermaid Fair, what glorious sights I’d see.

 For Underwater Paradise is what’s in store for me. ” 

*Bows deeply. Thank you I was inspired*wink*

For Episode 3 REVIEW: Click Here!

FOR EPISODE 1 REVIEW: CLICK HERE!