OUTLANDER EPISODE 11: SAMURMURATION and 10 OBSERVATIONS of uncommon depth and perception

The birth of a word.

It is never a small thing.

Those of us who already knew what murmuration was, were ever so pleased to see/hear it start off Ep11. It is a mesmerizing phenomenon of nature, not unlike the word it birthed ‘Samumuration’. 

                               #Samurmuration...yes, it has been hashtagged on Twitter.

It came to mind when I thought of the modern, and equally mesmerizing phenomenon of how Sam’s fans looked, to one who has the luxury of being madly in love with TVFrank and not TVJamie, and observing from the outside, looking in.

Not that I am judging or blaming them, mind you. I am not one to cast stones…as you can see here in this gif of me and Sean Bean *I am the short, round gray one):
 

Episode 11 has the distinction of being the first episode that I simply cannot criticize with any honest enthusiasm, so I compiled a list to offer you instead:

  
TEN Episode11 OBSERVATIONS OF UNCOMMON DEPTH AND PERCEPTION*

 *There will be no mention of Laoghaire (a.k.a. LegHair). She is dead to me.
 

1) If you want great hair, spend a night in a cold, dank underground prison of rocks and rats, with no bed and zero toiletries. Out of all the hair-dos Claire has worn, her Docket Do is my favorite thus far. She looks bloody fabulous. If I ever open a beauty salon I am calling it The Thieves’ Hole. Ishityounot.

2) If you hire a housekeeper, check her résumé closely to make sure she isn’t an descendant of Atticus Finch or Perry Mason. Whateverthefuckhernameis stood in court for an entire hour pleading her case and didn’t even have notes! I had a housekeeper when my kids were young and it never occurred to me to have her sign a non-disclosure contract and become blood sisters with her to keep my secrets safe. Lesson learned. *I hope she doesn’t watch the show and get ideas….

3) I bet the Monty Python gang got a kick out of the witch trials…

…because of this: BURN THE WITCH!

It was hard not to laugh and lose focus actually, so I paused it, had a good chuckle, and then re-watched the trial where the great acting of Claire, Geillis and Ned brought me back to 'reality'.

  
4) I want Ned Gowan as my lawyer but not because he is a badass who isn’t afraid to bring out Masters Smith and Wesson to help him win an argument, but because the man ROCKS a lace tie like no other.
 

I could help him get used to modern legal practices:

5) We see a wonderful example of Natural Selection at work: the people ducking to get out of the line of fire when Ned waves his gun around will procreate and have their gene pool walk the earth as long as the sun rises and the oceans are wet. The woman just behind them, the nonchalant one who seems alarmingly unconcerned with her sudden exposure to bullets, is destined to have a line that becomes fertilizer. Soon.

6) Geillis. I am too lazy to Google when BBQ's were invented (the word, I mean) but this did come to mind:

**NOTE: Lotte Verbeek (Geillis) answered my tweet about this meme! here it is...'#Yum?'. LOL!

 *my other 'generated meme' has become quite popular too, even though I spelled her name wrong 

*giggle*

7) Every show needs a Voldemort-look-a-like asshole. It may become a mandatory movie/cable show law. 

 8) Speaking of Hogwarts, the Mark of the Devil looked a little suspect but that could just be my TV:

9) Sorry. It was the first thing I saw. Blame too much Cape Ruby. Or not enough?

10) If any man wants to get his wife to do something but doesn’t want to come out and demand it, Jamie has shown you the way fellas. A surprise FingerJob and a sincere ‘It’s Your Choice My Love’ will make you a winner EVERY time...

                                                      

                                                       *click to enlarge

I could make more keen and insightful observations but I have the sudden urge to go speak to my husband...

...about my...um...credit cards.

HEADLINE HUNTER

We don’t have TV.

We have TV’s...but we don’t watch TV. Subtle but important difference. We got rid of all cable, satellite and local television 2 years ago in an attempt to see if we could survive without them.

We can.

Commercial infested television that grates your teeth after replaying the same LSD-inspired commercial ten times in an hour, and paying for 300 channels we didn’t want, need or use, finally drove us over the edge and we decided to experiment with quitting TV cold turkey. 

Easy Weezy Lemon Squeezy.

Between our 700+ books and 1500+ movies, we are not want for entertainment, but I still need a daily fix of CNN News, CBC News and The Daily Show, with a smattering of Hot in Cleveland. This, and a lot more, I easily find on-line. All COMMERCIAL FREE!

Another bonus to keeping in touch with the world on my computer is that I save a ton of cash denying Shaw and Bell from entering our living room. And I get a hell of a lot more info reading my ‘web-newspaper’ with my morning coffee than I ever did watching long, drawn out broadcasts on television. At the click of a key, I get a wide variety of news from around the world with my Froot Loops, customized to my interests. (Peter gets his news from Germany with his Schnitzel und Bratwurst)

One channel cannot possibly cover the diverse news coverage I get in one morning, and never as fast. For example, here is one morning of REAL headlines (honest!)... and believe me, Froot Loops was a most appropriate cereal that day:

Man has ‘mini’ tattooed on penis to win car

Andreas Muller, 39, decided to have the rather painful tattoo applied after a radio station ran a competition to win a £20,000 Mini Cooper. Radio listeners were then treated to Muller’s cries of agony while the unique piece of branding was created.

Woman rescues husband in tiger attack

A villager in Malaysia has his wife to thank after she charged a tiger that had pounced on him in the forest. Han Besou, 55, who was several feet away, heard the screams of her husband and charged the tiger with a large soup spoon, bopping it on the head, a local paper reported. The animal fled.

German man calls fire brigade to rescue beer he left on train

A 44-year-old man smashed the emergency glass on a fire alarm at Kaiserslautern train station when after stepping off, he realized his beloved beer was still on-board and leaving without him. As well as the shame of realizing his stupidity, the unnamed man was also left with an injured hand where he smashed the glass. 

Ingesting Poo Be Good for You?

Recently, the Journal of Clinical Gastroenterology published research suggesting that, in certain cases, patients suffering from the nasty ‘clostridium difficile’ bug may need fecal transplants or "transpoosions." Although antibiotics are now the first mode of attack, a growing number of doctors believe that, in some cases, injecting excrement either by enema or through a gastric tube inserted in the nose is more effective.

Witches to face prison for false predictions

Romanian witches and fortunetellers are cursing a new bill that threatens fines or even prison time if their predictions don't come true. Superstition is a serious matter in the land of Dracula, and officials have turned to witches to help the recession-hit country collect more money and crack down on tax evasion. Witches argue they shouldn't be blamed for the failure of their tools.

Russia's parasailing donkey dies

Anapka, the Russian donkey whose brays of terror while parasailing won her worldwide sympathy has died. She had been sent up into the sky over a southern Russian beach in a promotional stunt, and the YouTube video of her trip made headlines around the world.

Notorious 84-year-old Hungarian cat burglar 'Flying Gizi' caught again by police

The 84-year-old woman, known as "Flying Gizi," whose criminal record goes back to the 1950s, is again in custody for suspected theft, police said Tuesday. Gizella Bodnar, who has been convicted of over 20 crimes and has spent nearly 18 years in prison, got her nickname because she enjoyed taking domestic commercial flights after successful break-ins. She also published an autobiography in 2007 claiming that she became a kleptomaniac as the result of a youthful bout with meningitis.

Confession app blessed by Catholic bishop

An iPhone and iPad app that helps Roman Catholics seek forgiveness for their sins has been sanctioned by the Catholic Church. The app walks people through confession step by step and it reminds us when their last confessions were and keeps track of sins they have previously confessed. However, absolution or release from the sin can still only come from a priest.

Granny Fights Off 6 Robbers With Her Purse

Ann Timson, a 75-year-old woman, armed with only her handbag, ran across the street to attempt stopping a daylight robbery. Six robbers, armed with sledgehammers, were smashing a jewelry store window in Northampton, England when Ann started hitting them with her purse, breaking up the robbery and making them run away without any jewels. Only after they were running away, did bystanders come to help.

 

So you see, in one day, I garnered a wealth of knowledge that can only aid me in living a richer, better life. I learned...

1) The next time somebody tells you to “Go eat a shit sandwich!” they may only be concerned for your health.

2) Meningitis can fry the section of ones brain that holds ones moral values, and old women can grow balls that clang.

3) Your private, innermost personal gut-wrenching sins that are a soul-searching plea to God and His Eternal Mercy, can now be hacked.

4) Donkeys can fly, but shouldn’t. And advertisers can be real asses.

5) Germans like their beer. A lot.

6)  Instead of burning them at the stake, witches can now be sued. (Voodoo dolls with suits and briefcases are flying off the Wal-Mart shelves in Romania as are pins, needles and matchsticks.)

7)  Anyone tattooing the word mini on their penis must be either very secure in their masculinity or hung like a horse.

8) All one really needs while on safari is a large soup spoon for wild carnivores and perhaps a feather-duster for rampaging elephants.

But there was one main lesson I learned that day:  Flying Gizi got published; now I know what to do.

I can hardly wait till tomorrow...